Friday, February 15, 2008

One of Those Days...

I stopped a woman for jaywalking today. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: Hi! Do you have ID?

Her: Why?

Me: Because I asked.

Her: Why you stoppin' me?

Me: You're jaywalking.

Her: (Annoying lip smacking, clucking sound) You just stopped me because I'm black.

Me: ID please.

Her: I ain't got no damn ID.

Me: I can work around that. What's your name?

Her: Jane.

Me: Jane what?

Her: Why you need my last name?

Me: Because I do.

Her: Man, why you gonna be like that?

Me: What's your last name?

Her: Damn man....(That annoying smacking sound again) Doe. Why you gonna be like that?

Me: What's your address?

Her: San Francisco.

Me: The whole city?

Her: Huh?

Me: I asked you for your address...

Her: I SAID San Francisco. Why you gonna be like that?

Me: So if the court addresses your mail to San Francisco, you'll get it?

Her: Yeah.

Me: It usually helps if there's a street name, and maybe even a number.

Her: I live on Market Street.

Me: Okay, that's a start... how about a number?

Her: (415)555-

Me: Not your phone number.... your address.

Her: Market Street.

Me: (Sigh)

Her: What's yo problem?

Me: What is the number on the the door where you live?

Her: B. Why you gonna be like that?

Me: Is that the apartment number?

Her: Yeah.

Me: What number is on the outside of the building?

Her: 123

Me: Now we're getting somewhere.

Her: Why you gonna be like that?

Me: What's your date of birth?

Her: September.

Me: September?

Her: Yeah.

Me: What day?

Her: The 17th.

Me: And the year?

Her: Man, why you need to know that?

Me: Because I do.

Her: 1967, damn!

Me: Thank you so much!

Her: Why you gonna be like that?

Me: Sign here.

She signs the cite.

Her: When my court date?

Me: April.

Her: April what?

Me: April, the month.

Her: Is they a date in April?

Me: Yeah. There are 30 I think.

Her: Fuck you.

Me: (Annoying smacking sound) Why you gonna be like that?

Thankfully, she flipped me the bird and left. Stupidity reigns supreme. The funny part is, I don't think she was playing stupid. I'd bet it was for real.

Damn! Why you gonna be like that?

6 comments:

USAincognito said...

LOL!! This struck me as hilarious! LOVED the whole "smack" discription, too! ;)

Just the other night I was trying to get someone's name from them, too. Five times they refused to give it to me and then attempted to walk away because they had had enough of a female cop "telling them what to do." Well, he didn't go too far - he got cuffed and stuffed real quick! Ranting and raving about female cops the whole way...but heh...if he had just given me his name in the first place he would have been on his way.

Mrs. "Smith" said...

Damn, honey, you didn't tell me about this stop! I guess I went to bed too early.

TheBronze said...

Oh no you ditint!

Officer "Smith" said...

Oh yeah.... I dit!

justusforall said...

I would have just warned her not to jaywalk instead of going through the whole process of citing her. I mean, seriously, what citizen is NOT going to give you smacktalk if you write them a citation for JAYWALKING?
Also, you could have at least given her the day in April her court date is on? I know she was annoying the piss out of you but YOU'RE the professional, not her.

Officer "Smith" said...

[justusforall said...

I would have just warned her not to jaywalk instead of going through the whole process of citing her. I mean, seriously, what citizen is NOT going to give you smacktalk if you write them a citation for JAYWALKING? ]

Perhaps you would like to come out my way and write the crash when she gets creamed by a bus while she's jaywalking tomorrow?

[Also, you could have at least given her the day in April her court date is on?]

I did. It was written on the bottom of the citation, just like everyone else's.