Friday, May 30, 2008

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire...

You know someone is lying to you when any of the following comes out of their mouth:

...and that's the truth.

I'm gonna' be honest with you... (this usually sounds more like "I'mon be honess witchu")

Can I tell you the truth?

It was like this...

So, what had happened was...

...may God strike me down.

I swear to God...

I swear on my momma's grave.

I wouldn't lie to you...

Why would I lie about that?

...and that's no shit right there.

I am not a prostitute.

I don't use drugs.

That's not my crack pipe.

I didn't know the car was stolen.

I was coming down here to visit my friend.

That shit ain't mine.

These ain't my pants.

I didn't know that was in the car.


And possibly the most common lie ever told to a peace officer...

I only had two beers.



These are only a few. There are many, many more... and that's the truth.

10 comments:

Mrs. "Smith" said...

But how big were those 2 beers?

USAincognito said...

*snort* yeah.....I have heard those before. They think they are coming up with some new and original thing but really, we have heard it all many, many times before.

Angie said...

"I've never done this before"

TheBronze said...

You've just about covered all of them!

Two more:

Repeating the same question back to you.
I.e., "When were you born?"
"When was I born?"

And "Shouldn't be..."
I.e. "Is your license suspended?" "It shouldn't be..."

Officer "Smith" said...

Blogger Angie said...

"I've never done this before"

Yeah, and my response is "You mean you've never been caught."

TheBronze said...

Exactly!

Berserk said...

Real talk, bro. Real talk. :)

Dark Nights said...

"I don't think I have any warrants"

I normally run these people because they KNOW and I KNOW they have warrants. Lol

Angie hit on my other most common line.

Aileen said...

Sure sign you're an alcoholic is when you answer "I only had 2 beers". Why doesn't anyone say 3 beers? 3 beers would appear more honest and the officer wouldn't be as likely to feel you were in need of a 12 step meeting.

DK said...

My personal pet peeve: after every question the suspect says "Huh?" and then immediately answers your questions. You heard me and I promise if I hear "Huh?" come out of your mouth one more time, I'm going to slap you upside your head.