Friday, August 1, 2008

And You...

Yes, you... stand STILL laddie!!

Sorry, having visions of pigs flying over the stage there....


You! The idiot who drives with your cell phone to your ear, but then you see me and put your phone down until you pass me. Then, you are actually idiotic enough to think I didn't see you do it.

Then, when I pull up in your blind spot and look into your car, what do I see plastered to your ear? That's right... YOUR CELL PHONE.

So, of course, I pull you over.

"Hi there. How can I help you?" I ask.

"Help me?" you ask, "But why do I need help? You pulled ME over."

"I assumed you had an emergency" I reply, "because you were driving with your phone to your ear."

"I don't have any emergency." you tell me.

"Oh!" I say, "You are doubtless aware of the law that took effect in California on the first of July which makes it illegal to drive with your cell phone to your ear unless it is an emergency..."

"Ummm...wha.....I,uhhhh...." you stammer as you attempt to come up with some impromptu excuse.


"And I noticed you have a Bluetooth device in your cup holder there" I add.

"Uhh, yeah." you allow, "I couldn't get it to work with my phone and I REALLY needed to take that call so I figured it was kinda like... an emergency, you see?"

"Ahh..." I say, "but why didn't you pull over and take that call?"

"I couldn't...." you lie.

"Mmmm hmmm" I say.

"Press hard...." I instruct you, "you are making four copies."

"You need to be more compassionate" you gripe.

I believe I have heard that somewhere before....


USAincognito said...

CA has a cell phone law?!? Wow!! I wonder if IA isn't too far behind?

TheBronze said...

Right-on man!

I HATE CPA's (car-phone assholes)!

Officer "Smith" said...

Yes, as of July 1st we do.

Adults can't use the phone while driving unless it's hands free.

Under 18 can't use the phone while driving AT ALL!

I've written so many already it's not even funny.

Me said...


Reminds me of the guy who I pulled over for cell-phone AND for passing me like I was sitting still. (I was in a marked cruiser doing the speed limit on a highway.) I pull him over and walk up to him. He's STILL ON THE PHONE.

Then to cap it, he rolls down his window, holds up a finger, and says "I'll be with you in a minute..." and goes back to his phone conversation.

His day began to suck immediately after that.

Berserk said...

I don't normally get too excited about traffic stuff, but if someone told me "I'll be with you in a minute" on a traffic stop, then they just bought an immediate extraction from the car.

USAincognito said...

Oh. My. Gosh. Somebody actually told you to "hold on a minute" while holding up their finger?!? Hmmm.....I wonder, does that fall under "noncompliance"? Or is the fool just that plain stupid?!? I bet his day just got worse!

TheBronze said...

His day began to suck immediately after that.


Evil Lunch Lady said...

BUSTED! So Cool! We need that here...and I'm stupid, I don't even know if it's against the law here. But it better be!

Officer "Smith" said...

I hung the phone up for a young "lady" once when she wouldn't hang it upon her own.

"I need your attention here, since it obviously wasn't on your driving."

*Goddess* said...

How much is the fine for violating the hands free cell phone law?

I wish they'd get it here in PA, too. Along with outlawing texting while driving.

The Dispatcher and Her Officer said...

With fees in our county it is about $75 the first pop, $150 the second.

Officer "Smith" said...

That's about right. The base fine for first offense is $20, which translates to about $85 after fees and penalties in our court.