Eeeeeeek!

I originally posted this as a comment on Roanoke Cop's Zombies and Monsters post, which was inspired by The Fixit Shop post on The Attack.

I thought such an epic battle should have its own post though, so I copied it here.

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There I was... walking through the very large rear yard of a residence, checking the doors and windows on an alarm detail.

As I walked up three small steps, I sensed something in the dark in front of me. I turned on my light, and there it was.

A big PURPLE Orb Weaver, not six inches in front of my face.

I backed down a couple of feet and removed my Spider Web Taker Downer Thingy, which my department fortunately provides us as well, and very carefully dislodged the web from the ivy on either side.

The Orb Weaver did not move, yet.

When I got the final strand on one side, he attacked. The Orb Weaver quickly scampered across the remaining web, which was firmly stuck to my Taker Downer Thingy, and planted himself squarely on the end of the black wooden Thingy.

We just stood there, face to face, and stared at each other. Then he made his move. The Orb Weaver scuttled up the Spider Web Taker Downer Thingy, aiming intently for my unprotected hand.

Of course, I did what anyone would do. I began swinging the Taker Downer Thingy rapidly up and down in an attempt to dislodge the intruder. And dislodge him I did...

The Orb Weaver dropped from the end of the Taker Downer Thingy...

and swung around on the bit of web he had spun. Around he went, and back he came, right toward my face.

I held my Thingy at arms length as the Orb Weaver swung within tenths of an inch of my face (okay, maybe it was more like a foot, but dramatic effect ya' know?), before continuing his arc and alighting on the ivy from which I had previously removed his web.

I continued my search of the yard in earnest, knowing that if there HAD been anyone there, they would have been laughing their ass off at my battle.

I guess I must not have made too much noise. No lights came on in the nearby neighbors houses.

I guess the Orb Weaver and I were the only witnesses to such an epic battle.