Friday, February 27, 2009

Drunk and Funny...

I was reminded by this post at Todd's Blog of a funny that I'll share with y'all here...

A copper is sitting across the street from one of the local bars, waiting for last call so he can bag a DUI. He watches a few people come out, get into their cars, and drive away, but none appear to be too bad off so he waits.

About 0230, he sees a guy walk out of the bar. This guy takes a good two minutes to waddle down the three steps from the bar door. The copper thinks "Wow, this guys is pretty sloshed".

The bar patron stumbles across the parking lot, falling down twice, but eventually makes it to his car. He digs around in his pockets looking for his keys, but seems to be having difficulty locating them.

Meanwhile, the cop sees several other bar patrons walking to their cars and leaving, but none are as bad off as the totally hammered guy.

Eventually the guy finds his keys and spends another five minutes trying to unlock the car door. By the time the guy gets in his car, the rest of the cars are gone from the parking lot and the copper is thinking to himself "This is going to be good. He's gotta be at least a .20."

The intoxicated man starts his car and slowly drives out of the parking lot and onto the roadway. Copper wastes no time and stops him in the first block.

The cop walks up to the drivers window and asks the driver for his license. The driver quickly and confidently removes his license from his wallet and hands it to the officer. When asked for his registration and insurance, the man immediately goes to the glove compartment and produces a current registration card and insurance card.

The man looks up at the officer and says, "May I ask why you stopped me?"

The officer replies "Because you're drunk".

The man replies in a clear and confident voice, "I haven't had a thing to drink tonight other than water, officer".

The cop notices there is no odor of an alcoholic beverage, the man's eyes are completely clear, and his speech is not the slightest bit slurred. Confused, the officer asks the man to step out of the car and join him on the sidewalk. The man gets out of his car and walks to the sidewalk without a problem. No swaying, no stumbling, perfectly normal.

The officer has the man perform Field Sobriety Tests, which he is able to perform flawlessly. The officer has the man perform a PAS test, and he blows .000.

The officer says to the man "I watched you! You couldn't walk without falling! It took you ten minutes to find your keys, and another five to open the door! In the time it took you to get into your car and drive away, everyone else went home! But now you say you haven't had a thing to drink, and you're completely sober! What gives?"

The man replied, "Well, you see officer. Tonight, I'm the designated drunk."

10 comments:

Xavier said...

Hilarious!

Mrs. "Smith" said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!

Rivers said...

EXCELLENT.

Leslie said...

Too funny!! Makes you wonder.....

copswife said...

OK, so this is a joke. And a funny one.

But where we live, officers aren't supposed to sit and watch for drunks leaving bars. They get acused of it all the time but don't actually do it. I've never asked why - maybe we's just such a small town complaining actually produced results. I'll have to ask my husband.

Officer "Smith" said...

We sit on bars all the time. I've gotten some of my best deuces by sitting on a bar at last call.

copswife said...

Must be a rural politics thing. So sad that the complainers actually get results by complaining. They are the ones breaking the law!!

suzyjet said...

Laugh out loud funny!!

suzyjet said...

Laugh out loud funny!

SkyGuy32 said...

I thought it was "designated decoy"