Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day...

I got this one from a friend and thought it was rather fitting of today...

-----25 Reasons I Owe my Mother-----

1. My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION

"You'd better PRAY that'll come out of the carpet!"

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL

"If you don't straighten up, I'll knock you to the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC

"Because I SAID so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE logic

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT

"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY

"Keep crying and I'll GIVE YOU something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS

"Shut your mouth and eat your dinner."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck."

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA

"You will sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about the WEATHER

"This room looks like a TORNADO ran through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY

"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times... DON'T EXAGGERATE!"

13. My mother taught me about the CIRCLE OF LIFE

"I brought you into this world, I can take you out!"

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION

"Stop acting like your brother!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY

"There are millions of kids in this world who wish they had it as good as you do!"

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION

"You just WAIT until your FATHER gets home!"

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING

"When we get home, you're gonna GET IT!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE

"If you keep making that face, it'll freeze like that."

19. My mother taught me ESP

"Put your jacket on. Don't you think I know when you're cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR

"When that lawn mower cuts your foot off, don't come running to me!"

21. My mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me about GENETICS

"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about MY ROOTS

"Close the door! Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM

"When you get to be MY AGE, you'll understand."

25. And finally, my mother taught me about JUSTICE

"One day you're going to have kids, and I hope they act JUST LIKE YOU!"

Happy Mother's Day...

7 comments:

Tamale Chica said...

Thanks for these, they are both very funny and sweet at the same time!

Easily Lost said...

Scary, really, when I think of how many of those very phrases I have said over the years to my children.

*Goddess* said...

I wish I had a quarter for every time my mother used that "break your neck" line on me:)

The Farmer's Wife said...

Brilliant!

Now I know, as a mother, that I'm really covering many important things in life, besides just squawking at the little cherubs...

Good stuff!

Front Porch Society said...

These are good ones! Huh...I think I have heard a few of these growing up, too.

powdergirl said...

And then there's the basic physics lesson.

" However hard you hit your little brother, that is exactly how hard I will hit you."

*For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.*

Mom's rule!

Officer "Smith" said...

That's right up there with

"How fast can you run Private?"

"How fast you gonna chase me Drill Sergeant?"