Thursday, June 18, 2009

Are You Serious?

This question was asked of me today on a traffic stop.

"Sit tight for a few minutes and I'll be back."

"Are you gonna write me a ticket?"

"For sixteen miles over the speed limit? Yeah, I am."

"Are you serious?"

"As a heart attack..."

Why do people ask this question so often? Do they really think I'm just joshing? Or have they just run out of whiny things to say?

Yes. I am serious.

Just because you asked me if my LIDAR was calibrated, if I had records of said calibration, and if I was sure I didn't get your speed from a different car, does not make me any less serious.

As usual, this person felt it would be more appropriate to issue a warning than a citation. Of course if someone was driving sixteen miles per hour over the speed limit on THEIR street, they'd be screaming bloody murder for me to write THAT IDIOT a ticket. But then THEY wouldn't be the one getting the ticket.

I'm really getting tired of hearing from one driver after another how I should be giving them a warning, they've learned their lesson, they'll never do it again or they'll fix it right now, they never speed, they always stop at stop signs, they can't afford the ticket, they already have too many tickets, they're going to lose their job if they get this ticket, it's not their fault, I'm full of shit, I shouldn't have been "hiding", I just stopped them because they're black, I'm just taking their car because they're Hispanic....

(Sucking in a big breath)

They weren't being unsafe, they were being careful even though they were exceeding the speed limit, they weren't speeding, they didn't notice the big black and white 25 signs, they didn't realize they were going that fast, they didn't know they had to have three people to be in the carpool lane despite the big ass signs saying so, they were only in the carpool lane to avoid rear-ending the guy in front of them because he jammed on his brakes suddenly (and they were following him too closely, but they conveniently leave that part out), they were only in the carpool lane to pass one car, they were only in the carpool lane for like three seconds...

(another big breath)

They are only driving without a license because they have to go to work, they are only driving without a license because they have to get their kids from school, they didn't know they couldn't walk across the street where the big "NO PED XING" signs are posted, et cetera, et cetera...

I could go on forever...

I just wish folks could come up with some original excuses once in a while instead of rehashing the same ones I've heard a hundred times over.

Is that too much to ask?

16 comments:

Texas Ghostrider said...

To Much To Ask?????? YEP......

Then their are the ones.... I know the chief,mayor,governor

Hey do you know __________ He is my ____________. Or ________ just told me to ave you call him if I get stopped.......

*Goddess* said...

They're just hanging on to that four letter word known as "h o p e":)

Mad Jack said...

Okay, here's one: Officer, I'm sick and I've got to get to a men's room. Is there anything you could do to help me out here?

baker63 said...

Or - my dog got picked up by animal control and it needs medicine NOW! Can you call animal control AT HOME! to come release it? My (fillintheblank) knows the chief!

Yep. No kidding.

Sean said...

On the other hand I have cut some people BIG breaks for honesty - got a girl one night doing 92 on the interstate back when I was on the road. Not only did she admit she was speeding, she told me how fast she was going, that she knew what the limit was, and that her only excuse was she left home late and was trying to get back to base on time. She then said take your time sir, do what you have to, I know I was wrong - all as politely as could be.

I took ten seconds to check her license, then walked back up and handed it to her and asked her to please slow down so that she MADE it to base safe, and thanked her for both being honest and her service.

I don't regret letting ones like that go in the slightest.

On the other hand, start with the lying and excuses and it's game on!

Mrs. "Smith" said...

Officer (I LOVE writing/saying that!!) Smith posted:
"I just wish folks could come up with some original excuses once in a while instead of rehashing the same ones I've heard a hundred times over."

Hmmmmm......lemme think....

OH!! I know!! "My pregnant bitch is about to have our babies, that's why I'm going so fast. I have to get to the vet."

Have you heard that one yet? :D

David Woycechowsky said...

I have gotten several traffic tickets in my lifetime, but I only tried to give an excuse to get out of it once. It was the time I was stopped for running a red light.

The officer accepted my excuse and did not give me a ticket or a warning. Sometimes excuses work, but it really has to be a good excuse.

Front Porch Society said...

I always took my tickets with a smile and told them "Thank you" each and every time. Of course, that was back before I worked in LE..... Now, I do my hardest not to break any laws as I know I am an example to those in my community.

Me said...

My favorite:

"I'm not from here..." to explain why they totally disregarded some sign or another.

My answer: "I've been to where you live. They have STOP signs there just like that one back there. I've seen them. Sign here please."

Officer "Smith" said...

Mad Jack said...

"Okay, here's one: Officer, I'm sick and I've got to get to a men's room. Is there anything you could do to help me out here?"

Yup. I have your license, I'll follow you down the block to that gas station so you can use their restroom while I write you the speeding ticket.

Officer "Smith" said...

Mrs. "Smith" said...

"OH!! I know!! "My pregnant bitch is about to have our babies, that's why I'm going so fast. I have to get to the vet."

Have you heard that one yet? :D"

Nope, can't say as I have...

BootedCop said...

Ofc Smitty--

Best one I heard in the last year was when I stopped a female for wearing her seat belt under her arm (yes folks that's illegal). She said "I have to because if I wear it over the shoulder the belt stimulates my breasts and it makes it hard to concentrate on driving". I laughed out loud, told her I didn't want her getting into a crash and gave her a warning.

True reason or not, if you can make me laugh I'm likely to let you go...

Stay safe, brother...

Dispatcher X said...

How about, "I'm in a rush to get up to Sparkly Mountain to see Officer and Mrs. Smith!" lol :-)

Officer "Smith" said...

Shoot, if we're gonna be living up at Sparkly Mountain, y'all can come on up any time.

Zak said...

Heard this one - "Sorry, but I was listening to a really good song and got a bit excited, so was driving too fast. It's not my fault though - it's negligent of the radio station to play a song that might make me lose track of how fast I'm driving."

Followed by the explanation, "nobody else wants to take responsibility for their actions, so I figured I'd just jump on the bandwagon."

I actually used this once when pulled over for speeding (Yes, I was speeding. Yes, it was my fault. No, I didn't deserve a warning). He let me off for managing to come up with something at least a little original and for making him laugh.

Officer "Smith" said...

I am not generally in the habit of giving warnings, since you'd have to be doing something that got my attention for me to stop you, but I have given a few warnings to people who made me laugh.

That would probably work.