Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I'd Like to Buy a Clue, Pat...

Imagine, if you will, it's payday. You have your paycheck burning the proverbial hole in your proverbial pocket, and cannot wait to cash it.

Now, you pull into the parking lot of your local branch and you see (work with me here) three marked police cars parked out front. Those would be the black and white taxi cab looking things with the light bars on the roof and POLICE in big ass block letters across the trunk.

If you haven't yet figured out there's a problem and you walk up to the front doors of your bank (you know... the one with all the police cars parked out front), and there is yellow crime scene tape across the doorway, and a police officer is inside the doors processing the aforementioned doors for fingerprints, do us all a favor...

Leave.

Go to another branch.

Don't pull on the doors.

Don't ask the officer if the bank is open.

And certainly don't try to hand me your paycheck through the little gap in the doors and ask me to deposit it for you. I assure you I can't do that for you, and you will not be happy when it comes back through at you covered in graphite powder.

Now I know some of my readers will be cracking up at this whole prospect, either because it sounds crazy or because you have been that officer. But there will likely be others who ask themselves "What's wrong with doing that?"

Most of the general public, apparently, fall into the latter category.

If I had a dollar for every time someone tried to pull on the door I was fingerprinting, despite the large, usually day-glo orange sign posted on the door telling them the bank was closed due to an emergency and the bright yellow tape stretched across the doorway, I could probably afford to buy the bank.

It really is shocking that there are so many clueless individuals out there...

17 comments:

Aurora said...

Most people have brains but never use them. It is staggering though, since common sense appears to be a lost ability.

KD said...

I'm cracking up. thanks :)

Black Ice said...

You. Cannot. Be. Fucking. Serious.

This is a joke, right? April Fool's Day occurs really early in California, right? Please tell me that there isn't really someone out there so phenomenally stupid. There can't be. Someone that completely brain-dead would be unable to get out of bed and tie his shoes without sustaining a fatal injury and probably blowing up his house.

Having been on the receiving end of police brutality, I'm the last person to condone it...but I honestly wouldn't see the problem with tasing this jerkoff until his sperm cells percolated and he could no longer contaminate the gene pool with his obviously defective seed.

I really think this post broke my brain. O.o

Ontario Web and Print said...

Yes, but we are North Americans, and as such we usually resist the urge to think - and we must NEVER EVER be inconvenienced going about our daily lives. Great story - hard to believe - but...

Not a Granny said...

Okay, I just spit my DD Iced Coffee across my keyboard laughing at this.....

Really...passing the check through??? Are you sure you are not here in Florida?

HonkingAntelope said...

Well, DUH! Most people who have enough common sense to figure out this particular conundrum without resorting to trial-and-error usually manage their finances well enough to have better banking options than the local check cashing joint, eh?

Officer "Smith" said...

Black Ice,

April Fools this is not, unfortunately.

I also did not say that only one person walked up to the door. At least six, but I wasn't counting. Only one tried to "make a deposit" though.

*Goddess* said...

OMG, that's hilarious.

But wait, you don't make deposits? How rude!

Johnny Virgil said...

Life it tough. It's tougher when you're stupid.

The Six said...

Heh heh. Ah, memories.

Front Porch Society said...

Apparently they were too busy smoking crack before they pulled in...otherwise, how else can one explain them NOT seeing all the freakin' signs that were there pointing to the fact that apparently a crime had been committed at that bank!
Wow. Some people are STUPID!! lol.

Triple Beeper said...

Also, from a former bank employee, don't then proceed through the driveup and ask the only functioning bank teller what happened. They can't talk about it. They WON'T talk about it. And oh yeah, that bank teller feels like an idiot asking someone to accompany her to the vault through the myriad of police, FBI, and other officials conducting an investigation.

Moose said...

Try these from one of my favorite (other (-: ) sites:

http://notalwaysright.com/a-burning-question/4024

http://notalwaysright.com/smooth-whipped-criminal/3488

(note that the first one is from the UK. Stupidity is world-wide.)

Once I was helping new owners inventory in the store they'd just bought. We had the door locked, we had signs up saying SORRY WE ARE CLOSED, but while there were blinds on the door there were none on the front window. People would come POUNDING on the door insisting that if we were in there the store must really be open, and couldn't they just come in and look around?

2 wheel terror said...

There sure are a lot of sheeple out there who are S.O.S. (stuck on stupid).

911 and the Randomness.. said...

Job security at it's finest...
and rest assured they have several off spring at home and another on the way.

Carteach0 said...

I explain it to my students this way:
"You remember that intelligence test you had to pass to get a drivers license? No? That's because there isn't one. Think about that the next time you see someone doing something really stupid".

Ann T. said...

Dear Officer Smith,
I've seen this a million times in retail, too, only w/o crime scene tape.

People push their wants so far ahead of them, they don't see how to do anything other than what they've already projected. That's also why they'll turn right from a left hand lane if they miss their exit. They can't think.

of course, on days when I don't want to excuse them, I just think they're stupid children, (children substituting, or course, for some other word).

have a great day,
Ann T.