Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Cell Phony...

So there I was, driving along and minding my own business...

Suddenly, I notice a vehicle approaching from my left and coming to a stop at the stop sign. As I pass within about 20 feet of the front of this vehicle I can clearly see the driver is holding a cell phone up to her right ear, with her left hand across her chest. As I continue to watch she changes hands, with the phone never leaving her ear, then she makes a right turn past me.

I, of course, busted a u-turn at the next intersection and caught up to her. When I stopped her and walked up to her window our discourse went a little something like this he-ah...

Me - Hi there. I stopped you because you weren't using a hands free device on the cell phone you were talking on.

Driver - I don't even own a cell phone.

Me - Well then, perhaps you could explain what the grey rectangular item was that you were holding up to your ear when I passed.

Driver - (Looking around the interior of the vehicle then picking up a compact disc) It could have been this.

Me - I suppose it could have been, but it wasn't. You see that is round and silver. Your phone was rectangular and grey.

Driver - (Picking up one of those visor mounted CD caddy things) Well, I was looking through this.

Me - Now, why would you hold that up to your ear?

Driver - Well, you can search my car and I guarantee you won't find a phone in here.

Me - I'm not going to do that. Wait here.

When she told me I could search the car, I didn't even want to think of what body part her phone was hidden on, in or under. It is not worth it for me to search for the cellular phone for an infraction. I just wrote her the ticket.

This is one of those citations I always hope goes to court. She will undoubtedly tell the commissioner the same thing she told me. "I don't have a phone".

I can't wait to see the look on her face when she can't explain why she couldn't come up with a reasonable explanation as to what I saw her holding up to her ear that looked so much like a cell phone, and why she would hold a compact disc or a CD caddy up to her ear in the first place.

As I have said before. If I stopped you, I am 100% sure I saw you do what I say I saw you doing, and that it was you who was doing it.

Say it with me kids...

Press hard, you are making three copies...

9 comments:

Christine said...

Don't you just love being boldface lied to? Job security...

Cleanville Tziabatz said...

Commish: why did you not take the defendant up on her offer to search?

Officer Smith: It is not worth it for me to search for the cellular phone for an infraction.

Commish: You don't care enough to check out her side of the story, to make sure she isn't telling the truth?

Officer Smith: No, not that much. Not for a citation.

Commish: Case dimished, costs taxed to the state.

Tigger said...

It's too bad law enforcement doesn't have access to the cell phone number database, then you could call her. Of course she would probably say it's her CD case ringing. What happened to personal accountability?

The Grumpy Dispatcher said...

I thought the reverse psychology was generally true, that when you get the OK to search, the attempt is often a bluff to wave you off, and that something nefarious (not necessarily a phone) thus actually awaits being found.

I'm trying to think of a way to make her absently give her cell number through a conversational redirect, and then calling it. Oops.

Alas I already see where I've gone with all this.... too much trouble to go through for the infraction.

Officer "Smith" said...

Cleanville has obviously never met our commissioner.

Besides, even if I had searched the car I doubt I would have found the phone. It's likely she hid the phone somewhere on her person, hence consent to search the VEHICLE.

Not that I needed to search. I know what I saw.

Jeremy said...

Maybe this was answered sometime before, but why is lying to a police officer not a felony?

Cleanville Tziabatz said...

Cleanville has obviously never met our commissioner.

are you saying that he always sides with the policeman?

Officer "Smith" said...

No, Cleanville, I'm not saying that.

I assure you I have lost some rock solid cases.

What I'm saying is our commissioner does not abide bullshitting in his court.

Jumblerant said...

My best ticket I have ever given for talking on the phone was when the guy was behind our blue, white and fluorescent patrol vehicle at traffic lights, our blues were on and he continued talking.

I had enough time to not only tell my partner about the 'cheeky chappy' behind us - but he had enough time to get out his phone and take a photo of the guy!

He tried to come up with an excuse but nothing was going to work.