Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Excuses, Excuses...

I write speeding tickets. A LOT of speeding tickets.

I have therefore heard A LOT of excuses for speeding. I'll post some of the better ones here for your amusement. Most of these are common excuses used by many, many drivers.

1 - I'm late for work / an appointment / school / etc.

Well, guess what Sparky. You just got a little later. Sit tight and I'll be right back with you.

2 - I'm on my way to my Mama's house because she's having a medical emergency.

Well hell, why don't you just go right on your way. On second thought, in the time it took you to drive from Oakland to Smithville an ambulance could have already gotten to your mother's house and taken her to the hospital. Would you like me to call an ambulance for her since they will likely STILL get there before you legally can? No? Didn't think so.

3 - You got me going downhill.

No shit. Really? That's why they put that other pedal to the left of the go faster pedal.

4 - You were hiding.

And your point is?

5 - My car is a (insert the year make and model of your POS ride here) and it can't go that fast.

I assure you, it can. And it was.

6 - My car is only a four-banger. I can't have been going that fast.

If you said it was a three-banger Hyundai I might buy that one. But your supercharged Acura Integra? Not so much. Matter of fact, hows about we pop the hood on that bad boy and let's see the C.A.R.B. stickers on all your modifications, shall we?

7 - My wife is pregnant and I'm on my way to the hospital.

Holy Shit! You'd better go back and get her then because she's not in the car! I think you must have forgotten her!

8 - Sorry. I guess it got away from me a little.

Dammit. I hate it when that happens.

9 - Did you see that big truck that came over into my lane? I had to speed up to get around him.

How about, work with me here, SLOWING DOWN and letting him get away from you?

10 - I had to pass that guy because he was going, like, really slow.

I'll never understand why, but a good 90% of those using this excuse include the "like". The problem here lies in the fact that the "like, really slow" car they passed was doing "like" 5 miles OVER the posted speed limit.

11 - It's a new car and I'm not used to it.

Maybe you should take it back and get something a little less speedy then, eh?.

12 - (and by far my favorite thus far) I'm late for court.

Really? What was the ticket for? No, wait. Don't tell me. Let me guess...

Speeding, right?

Sometimes I wish people could be a little more original and not just rehash the same, tired old excuses.

Alas, they can't...


Firelady said...

Amazingly, and yes, truthfully...I got a free pass with a lil professionaly courtesy from a version of the "I'm late for work" excuse.

I was notified a few minutes before shift change that I had to fill in at a station on the other end of the department. I was busted doing 77 in a 55 on the expressway. As soon as the lights came on, I knew it was me and pulled over.

I was asked first if I knew why I was stopped. I said yes, I was going too fast. He then asked if I was offduty. I responded that I was supposed to be onduty, our shift change was at 7 and I was coming from the station at Main St and Secondary Dr, and there was someone at station #x that couldn't go home until I got there.

He looked at his watch and told me to slow it down before walking away. I was shocked! That agency is known for not letting anyone go. I'm still so thankful for it, even though I wouldn't have argued a ticket.

Scott Pantall said...

This is why I hate it whenever a cop asks me why I was going that fast. You don't care why I was going that fast!

Sean said...

The rarest one in the book, but absolutely positively my favorite one is this:

"No, I don't have a reason. I know I was speeding. I'm sorry."

I don't run into it often, but when I do it usually results in less work and a thank you from me as I tell them to slow down.

G said...

Well, you were speeding out of courtesy to the person waiting, so perhaps he let you go out of courtesy to you and the person waiting. I like it.

Melissa said...

#7 made me giggle. I like it.

Mac said...

Hahahaha..Good stuff.

the observer said...

I was excused once because I says to the officer, "It's a rental car." He actually asked what it was replacing, and when I told him, he says, "Well, okay, just be careful out there."

I actually was "caught" speeding because I had a brain cramp and forgot about the change from 65 to 55 coming into the town.

Thank you, officer!

Cleanville Tziabatz said...

It is better not to talk when stopped for speeding. Just be ready to hand over the paperwork. Making excuses at the scene will just work against you if you decide to contest the speeding ticket.

*Goddess* said...

The funniest excuse I ever heard on any cop show on tv was from this blonde chick (sigh...apparently we get a bad rap for a reason). Anyhew, the cops were chasing her and when they finally caught up with her several miles later, the officer said, “Why didn’t you pull over when you saw my flashing blue lights? You were going 70 mph.”
She replied, “I was going too fast to pull over.” The only thing funnier than her excuse was the stunned expression on the officer's face when he heard that one!

That just totally

The Bus Driver said...

I've used the new engine/new car one (legitimately it was - and i pulled over when i realized i passed a cop who was going the opposite direction... he pulled a u turn and i was already pulled over, had put my car in park and had the emergency flashers on.)

and the "wasnt paying attention/just got away from me/no reason" one.

Both of those were done in honesty, my record came up clean with no priors and i got lucky and was let go both times with warnings instead of tickets.

Candi Apple said...

I used the bathroom emergency. I even offered to let the cop follow me home and write the ticket there, but I REALLY had to go. He kinda laughed then really looked at me. I think he saw the desperate panic of one about to wet their pants. AND it was a road that didn't have any place like a gas station to stop at. He let me go, yay him. My car seat appreciated it more though I'm sure.

alanmoore78 said...

My first speeding ticket was 78/45. Clocked at 81 while passing into a 40mph zone, even. I was chasing down a guy who smacked my girl, used that as my excuse. That was the wrong answer, and I spent ten minutes handcuffed in the cruiser and was only let go because a home burglary was occurring and the officer wanted to pursue that.

That ticket wasn't as expensive as I thought it would be, $190 I think. I did not find the kid or his Festiva that night. But when he came to work the next day, he tried to assault a "customer" with a broom and dustpan (and missed). The customer escaped after not missing him with a wall-mounted phone (those things are heavy) and he got fired.

HonkingAntelope said...

As far as #3 goes, it pays to learn how to use engine braking to control your speed on downhill roads.

When I drove back from Yosemite, Tahoe, and on Highway 1, I've seen way too many retards repeatedly riding their brakes for tens of seconds at a time.

The fact is, even a brand new brake fluid can overheat and boil, making you lose your brakes if you ride your brakes long enough. Did I mention that a downhill twisty mountain road is just about the worst place to lose your brakes at?

Randy K said...

Oh did I have man share of speeding tickets... my share, your share and her share over there too.

Never once tried to get out of the tickets, but if asked always was honest... my standard answer was "Because I'm stupid". surprisingly got more warnings then I deserved with that.

I finally grew up the day I got my 3rd speeding ticket in 3 days. That day I realized that it was far cheaper to drive slower.