Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Thank God for EVOC...

...and my cat-like reflexes.

I nearly had a black SUV for dinner this evening on my way home.

As I was cruising along the highway at about 60 MPH, in the left lane I might add, the jackass driver of the aforementioned SUV pulled from my right off of a side road. DIRECTLY INTO MY LANE!

I was once again reminded that it is QUITE possible to lock ABS brakes if you try hard enough, which I did. Fortunately, since I drive a pickup truck only the rear wheels locked up (and only very briefly). I was able to steer around to the right of the HUA (that's Head Up Ass) idiot and sit right outside his passenger window as we started up the hill.

If that ass hat happens to be reading this, yes, you read my lips correctly. I actually did say "What kind of fuck-tard maneuver was that!?"

Then, whilst on my way to the local Liquor Barn, I was once again assaulted (but not battered) by a second HUA driver. I was stopped in the two-way turn pocket (with my left turn signal on of course) waiting for traffic to clear so I could turn in to the driveway. Soon as traffic cleared and I stepped on the gas pedal, some little prick in a black Honda scooted out of the driveway I was trying to turn in to and made a left turn about two feet from my front bumper.

Once again, only my quick braking action prevented a collision.

Having barely avoided two collisions in less than an hour, I finally decided it was time for me to stop driving for the day.

For some reason I just seem to be an asshole magnet today. I think it's best I stay off the road.

Maybe next time I should just hit 'em...


911 and the Randomness.. said...

Hmm, would it really be worth the hassle to hit them and deal with their bs for the next 10 mins as they scream about how it was all your fault?

Either way, glad you are ok. :)


Gator Girl Tales said...

Sounds like the same drivers we have over here.....can't drive worth crap! (and then they flick me off when they are the ones who run a redlight, pull in front of me illegally, or cut me off on the interstate)

Jackie said...

I don't think it's just you I think that it's all the idiots out there driving on Thanksgiving!


The Bus Driver said...

On Wednesday, when I was driving for transit, I experienced a few HUA drivers myself over the course of 45 minutes! Both almost ran their vehicles into the side of my bus and were going way too fast for their own good. I'm lucky I didn't get broadsided.

Steve'nLubbock said...

The Honda would have come out on the short end, definitely... not sure about the other tho.

HonkingAntelope said...

Tsk, tsk, tsk. If you were paying attention while driving, you would have seen that black SUV's idiot move coming long before he even made it. I see people cutting across several lanes while making a right-on-red all the time, and making an evasive maneuver to the right is almost second nature to me by now.

Me and my girlfriend went up north from Bay Area to Fort Ross on Friday, and we were treated to a royal retard parade on both legs of the trip. Some of the more egregious examples:

-A near head-on collision on a dark and narrow two lane road. All I remember is that I saw that moron coming around from behind a curve up ahead. As we were about to go past each other, I noticed his headlights drifting towards me! I almost had to drive into the dirt to avoid the crash. Not cool...

-People generally not knowing how to drive on mountain roads like highway 1. I saw way too many people continuously riding their brakes through every single curve when going downhill. Brake fade anyone???

-This paragraph is dedicated to the oblivious asshat who was driving the black flexfuel Chevy Tahoe, barely maintaining the already pathetically low speed limit and completely ignoring the long line of seriously pissed off folks lined up behind him with no opportunity to pass. Did you not see the damn sign that says "slower traffic use turnouts," or the fact that you're required by law to pull over and yield when you have so many vehicles lined up behind you? Innocent people can and do get killed when pissed off drive attempt to pass a rolling roadblock and happen to misjudge the how much room they have.