Saturday, December 4, 2010

You're #1...

Ahh yes. My old driving companion.

People call you by many names. The left lane, the passing lane, the fast lane.

It pains me to see people abuse you the way they do. Folks these days ignore the fact that you are meant for a specific purpose. Passing a slower moving vehicle or vehicles.

You are not to be cruised in. And you are CERTAINLY not to be used by the ass-hat who chooses to go 20 MPH SLOWER than everyone else around him.

You are not to be used by trucks. You are not to be used by buses.

My old friend, people have forgotten the bygone era in which you were empty for miles, only used for brief moments by those of us who caught up to a driver who was traveling slower than we. I could move into your loving embrace, make my passing maneuver and move back out into your neighboring lane, thereby allowing anyone who might be going faster than me to pass me in the same manner.

Alas, it pains me to see the abuse heaped upon you, left lane. You suffer such abuse from the humble Prius, whose driver insists upon traveling at 55 miles per hour no matter how long the line of cars behind. Ach, and the little old lady from Pasadena who thinks you are her personal lane to do with as she wishes, no matter whom she pisses off in the process.

Oh, poor fast lane. I regret that things will never be the same between us. But it is not your fault.

It's not you, it's me.

I can't stand to be stuck behind such slow-pokes. Instead, I usually drive with your lovely sister, the country back road. I did not choose her because she is more beautiful than you are, although she is. I chose her simply because she allows me to keep moving at a steady speed (most of the time) without the stop and go that you are burdened with.

Alas, my old traveling companion, we do not see each other as much as we once did. I will continue to drop in from time to time, but it will usually be when I'm on a long trip and away from that ugly traffic that scars your hide.

I just ask that you remember one thing, oh fast lane...

To me, you will always be number one...

15 comments:

Older School said...

Poetic...and oh so true.

Melissa said...

Hah! I like it. I have a theory that different rules get ignored in different parts of the country. People regularly drive on the shoulder to get around a car stopped for a left turn in Western NY, and Californians don't believe in right-of-way. In the Pacific Northwest, we ignore the stay-right-except-to-pass rule. We're just happy when traffic is light enough that everyone could fit in one lane!

Jake said...

That is freakin' hilarious! I especially love the last line and title which is somewhat of an inside joke if one isn't from California.

Isaac said...

On a cross country drive from Louisiana to Santa Barbara, I saw a cop in Texas pull over someone who was cruising in the left lane, significantly slower than the other traffic. It made my day.

Just a friendly idea.

Cleanville Tziabatz said...

When I see marked police cars travelling* on 4-or-more lane highways they are always cruising in the leftmost lane, always over the speed limit, often way over the speed limit. Would be nice to see some tickets given.

FOOTNOTE:

* not talking about the ones catching up to stop a car, of course, but rather the ones who are using the freeway to travel.

Gator Girl Tales said...

Nice! I couldn't help but laugh as I read this....and agree with so many points you mentioned! ;)

Kay said...

your state government should pass the same provision we have here in Quebec. If you are in the left lane and the one to the right has traffic moving at your speed (or faster) you get dinged with a $158.00 reminder to stay to the left except to pass

911 and the Randomness.. said...

Awww, so true. I like that, well written! :)

911R

Officer "Smith" said...

Jake,

They don't number the lanes in other states?

Cleanville,

Yet another of your "always" "never" comments. Not biting. Sorry.

Kay,

It is also illegal here, and the fine is somewhat steeper than $158.

*Goddess* said...

Somebody's been spending WAY TOO MUCH time with his mistress aka work...lol

Beat And Release said...

I learned to drive in Germany. It is illegal there to drive in the left lane unless you are actually passing someone. Ah, fond memories.

Jerry said...

I don't think it is illegal in OK. I rarely see it happen anyways but I'm in a smaller town.

What really gets me though is when people go 45-50 in a 65 single lane highway with no passing zones for miles.....

Expatriate Owl said...

Aha! I am not the only one who has noticed a marked increase in the phenomenon (you shall not be bored with my particular war stories, other than a report that at least 10 such drivers were encountered last night alone during my return trip from work at 7:40 - 8:30 PM).

If one car passes you in the right lane, it's a random event. If two do it within 30 seconds, you might wish to take a closer look at your driving performance. And if three pass you, the get the hell out of the left lane!

[My theory, not scientifically tested as yet, is that the drivers who block the lefthand lane are the same people who stand in the doorway and chit-chat and obstruct the exit of those who wish to leave the room.].

Joshkie said...

FYI, In Texas they will tIcket you for just crusing in the passing lane with noone around. :-)

Jessy said...

Oh those left-lane riders... Grrr.