Sunday, January 16, 2011

You Can't Judge a Book by its Cover...

I'd ask you to close your eyes and visualize with me, but that would probably not be a very effective method in this here forum. Instead, I'll simply ask you to visualize. I went to Safeway yesterday to pick up a bottle of rum and a bottle of vodka for a barbecue we were having last night. It's my weekend so I was unshaven. I was wearing an older pair of jeans and an un-tucked shirt to conceal my gun.

As I walked into the store, I grabbed a couple of the free papers (incidentally, they were Employment Guides) to use in the charcoal chimney and tossed them in my basket. I went and picked out the bottles and grabbed a lime and some butter, then I made my way to the register to pay.

When I got to the cashier and took the stuff out of my basket, the woman in line behind me looked at the bottles and the paper, then looked me over and turned her nose up.

She must have thought I was some unemployed alcoholic from the looks of me. Her look of contempt was somewhere between humorous and sad.

Imagine the look on her face when she saw me driving across the parking lot with Fucking Hostile coming out of my stereo in the truck.



Carteach0 said...

A few lifetimes ago, as a boy, I worked at a used car lot.

NOBODY spends more time judging people than car salesmen.

One day an old black man pulled up in a decrepit beater of a Buick. As he walked the lot looking at cars, none of the salesmen would even stir from their chairs, as they judged him unworthy of their attention. It was left to me, 'Lot Boy', to take keys out and show the man what he wanted to see.

The old guy found a car he said he wanted, but still not one salesman would leave the air conditioned comfort of their card game in the office.

Some of them watched as the old black man went to his trunk, opened a bag, and counted cash. A LOT of cash. Suddenly he had the salemen's full attention, and they gathered at the office windows to watch.

The old guy put his money back in the trunk of his beat up old Buick and drove away.

I never forgot that, nor the look on their faces.

Steve'nLubbock said...

She was scared you'd pull a scene at a Safeway, after what happened in Tuscon! You looked scuzzy, obviously drank, and probably couldn't hold a job (maybe 'cuz of a temper issue??)! You should have let her get a glimpse of the gun, really freak her out!!!!!!!!

Joshkie said...


911 and the Randomness.. said...

Bahahaa, thanks for that awesome laugh!!
She's the caller that says, 'yes I need an officer to come to my house at Snobville Place'. We ask what lot number and she gets offened, screaming that it's xxx amount of millions for her mansion. Love it. Great song too!


*Goddess* said...

A Barry Manilow THAT would have been hilarious:)

Brian said...

And you can bet it offended her delicate upscale sensibilities even more. Well played Sir, well played.

Jay said...

What was that about books and covers and judging. Oh yeah I remember.

Stephanie Belser said...


I have two brothers. Back in the `70s, when both were teenagers, one had short hair and drove a `67 Ford Galaxy. The other had long hair and drove a `660 VW. Both rebuilt their cars.

Would you care to guess which boy was stopped at least monthly by the cops?

(At least until Mom found out, took his last five years worth of report cards, went down to the town hall, spread them out before the mayor and asked him for a reason why the police kept pulling him over.)

"Judging a book by its cover."

Michael said...

I'm white, bankrupt, and as poor as you can get. I wish I had the money to be in a checkout lane at Von's / Safeway for ANYTHING. Yes, really.