Saturday, May 28, 2011

Indefinite Hiatus...



For reasons known to some of you, I have not had the energy, time, desire or inspiration to post anything on this blog in a while. Now the reasons will be crystal clear to anyone who cares to read. Yes, this will likely give me away to anyone who reads this and knows me, but hasn't yet figured out it's me writing it. But some things are more important than total anonymity.

In late April, my lovely wife Mrs. "Smith" was diagnosed with Metastatic (Stage IV or Advanced) Breast Cancer. We have been on a roller coaster ride since learning of this, as the news has come to us in stages.

We first learned there was something suspicious on her mammogram. Then they did a second mammogram, an ultrasound and a biopsy. A few days later we learned it was cancerous and had spread to a lymph node in her armpit. About a week after that, we got a call to tell us the cancer had metastasized and spread to a small spot on her liver and a small spot on one vertebra. About a week after that, we saw the results of the PET/CT scan. We finally knew the disease was in bone, in quite a few places.

The best news we received was that it is not in her brain. Thank God for that.

To look at her, you can't even tell she has cancer, let alone something so advanced. It still blows my mind. The only symptoms she has are fatigue and back pain.

Needless to say, my mind has been going to some pretty dark and evil places over the past few weeks, and a lot of my energy has been going toward pulling myself out of this pit and bringing back the optimistic thoughts.

Because of all this, I will not likely be posting anything new on here in the near future. There are more important things in life than a blog. Namely, taking care of the missus and keeping her in good spirits.

My wife is a fighter of the highest caliber, and she is determined to beat this thing into remission and stay with me for many years to come. I am determined to help her do it. She is handling this whole experience with incredible grace and poise. Yes, she has cried a few times. She has gotten angry. But she hasn't let it completely overwhelm her. She knows if she just lays down and lets the cancer take over, it wins. She knows what she needs to do, and she just does it. As I have told her a few times recently, she's "my fucking hero".

She has one hell of a support network behind her, and she gets way more support than I would be able to give her by myself. Aside from family, friends and my co-workers, she also has a network of friends through Policewives.org. This group of ladies (and at least one fellow) has been a HUGE boost to her morale.

Mrs. Smith joined the group in 2008, and has since made many friends there. I have found it to be a community much like the one among police officers. I mean, why not? They're all married to coppers, so it only makes sense. Police wives have a connection that runs just as deep as the one we have as police officers. I recommend all police wives at least take a look at the site. It's a great support system for all things related to being married to this job, and you really don't want to wait until some bad shit happens to get on the site. Having the friendships beforehand has been absolutely invaluable to the missus.

Back to the point though, chemotherapy will start soon and I'm sure I will have even less time to sit here on the computer. I do not plan on giving regular status reports here related to my wife's condition. I may post something about the results of treatment, but I will not be posting weekly or even monthly updates. Please don't ask.

As a sort of side note to any women who may read this blog, do me and yourself a favor. Check yourself regularly. Don't be shy. Feel yourself up. Squeeze those boobies. You'll thank yourself for doing it if you never have to go through what Mrs. "Smith" is going through now.

Anyway, for those who are so inclined, please keep Mrs. "Smith" in your prayers. For those who are NOT so inclined, at least send some positive thoughts and energy her way.

So, with all that said, I guess this is it for a while. Hopefully this will just be a brief intermission between acts in the comedy/drama/thriller that is Officer Smith.

See y'all later, and stay safe.

It's a jungle out there...

37 comments:

Murphy's Law said...

My prayers are with both of you.
Take care and stay strong, my brother.

Beat And Release said...

I'm not a religious person, but every ounce of my good energy is extended to you and yours.

Older School said...

I send positive thoughts to you and the Missus. With your support, and the support of her family and friends, miracles can and do happen.

Be strong.

MJ said...

Keeping you in our prayers and hoping for a speedy recovery.

Celeste said...

I'm normally a lurker, but I just wanted to drop in and say-- good luck to you both, and you'll be in my prayers. Hope to see you back soon.

Ami said...

Sending good thoughts. This disease has touched many lives and I'm always sorry to hear when someone else is attacked by it.

I have lost more than one friend to it... but I also have many friends who have survived.

And that's very satisfying.

Ten 80 said...

Family first! I'm a long time follower of yours but I can appreciate you need the time. Do what you need to do first.

Prayers for your wife and whole family.

Stay safe. Stay strong.

Joel said...

Take all the time you need, Officer, and candles will be lit and prayers said for Mrs. Smith tomorrow.

Jay said...

Nasty disease but most definitely not unbeatable. Mrs Smith as well as yourself are certainly in my prayers and my thoughts. You have each other and I know there is nothing stronger. It is obvious that your wife is in good hands with you by her side but remember you have also got to take care of yourself. Find a friend you can vent to when needs must.
Again thinking of you both, praying for you both and will at some time down the track look forward to hearing from you when the news is brighter. Hang in there and take care.

Melissa said...

Best wishes to you and your wife. I don't have any sage advice to offer, but I will pray.

BlogGirl said...

So sorry to hear that. I hope the missus can kick the cancer to the curb. Good luck to her, and you also. I've enjoyed your blog very much, and will miss it, but there are definitely priorities other than blogging. I don't pray, but will send lots of good thoughts your way. Best of luck.

The Dispatcher and Her Officer said...

Prayers going your way!!!! We will be here for you both! Take care of her and yourself!! Let us know if we can do anything for either of you!!!

Best advice I ever got when I was nursing my mother thru it.. "don't let anyone negative be around her. It's vitally important everyone is upbeat, happy and positive for her successful fight!"
-dispatcher

monica said...

prayers for you both.
xo

Moose said...

I'm so sorry. Your readers will miss your posts but I'm sure we all understand your priorities.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and I hope that everything comes out well. Please give Mrs Smith an extra hug today.

Meadowlark said...

Praying for all of you.
Peace,
Meadow

Steve'nLubbock said...

My sympathies and prayers are with you both. Give the fight all you have, and know your readers will be behind you all the way!

Captain Tightpants said...

My prayers and best wishes with you both - hopefully things improve soon.

Michael said...

AS a DOJ officer, I have enjoyed your posts for quite some time. But to your point, there comes a time when shit happens. And you have to TCB. My heart and prayers go with your family and you, and just know that there is a community out there in your corner.

Michael said...

As a DOF officer I've enjoyed reading your blog. But sometimes life takes priority. My thoughts and prayers to your wife, your family, and you. And know there is a community out there praying for you.

DaddyBear said...

Good luck! We'll be keeping y'all in our prayers!

MotorCop said...

The Wife and I will pray...my mom is a breast cancer survivor. Your missus can be as well.

You know where to find me if you need anything. I'm here to support you if you need it. You need support as well, buddy.

Hyperion said...

My best wishes to Mrs Smith. I hope she comes through this, with flying colours. With a champ of a husband like you to love her, she is already a lucky woman. I pray that that luck will extend to her health, and that she will be well, and that right soon.

Layla said...

Longtime reader here, coming out of lurking status to extend my prayers and hopes. I'm NOT sending condolences, because this is a battle you two will win. And every time someone wins the battle against cancer, we're that much closer to finding a cure.
Stay strong.

thatsit said...

My thoughts and prayers are with your wife and the rest of your family. Do what you need to do.

We'll see you on the flip side.

Eddie said...

Keep the faith Brother.

Gator Girl Tales said...

I am so sorry to hear! :(
You and Mrs Smith will be in my prayers!
*HUG*

fuzzys dad said...

Even though I do not know your name God does.I am praying for you both.

Jive Talkin Tool said...

positive vibes sent to the missus and to you

Simon said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you, even more so after reading through your blog archive and seeing what a formidable woman your "Mrs Smith" seems to be.

Chris said...

Best wishes, and God bless, to you and your wife.

Kyle said...

I'm a fan and an admirer of yours and your service and I know she will win this fight. God Bless you and your family.

Candi Apple said...

Having not been on in awhile this was a shock. Like Beat and Release I am not a religious person, but I will be sending all the good energy I can to your family. Truly, best wishes and love from me, and the friends & family I've amused with links to your blog.

Public Safety Source said...

Absolutely the worst kind of news a person can receive is that a loved one has been stricken with cancer. Heart wrenching to hear about it, absolute nightmare to live it, I'm sure.

All the best to you and your wife.

911 and the Randomness.. said...

Still praying for both of you and hope all is going well.

911R

YYC Dispatcher said...

I wish you and your wife the best. A close friend of mine has been battling Stage IV Cervical cancer for the past six years and I've learnt more about her (and myself) as a result than I ever thought I would.

Take care.

YYC (Flight) Dispatcher

Graveyard Dog said...

God Bless you both, Officer & Mrs. Smith.
Stay strong and keep the Mrs. getting BETTER!

D said...

Do you ever write about cops and their family relationships or how the job affects that? I'm a cops daughter and I just started a blog called (diaryofacopsdaughter.blogspot.com)I'd like your feedback