Saturday, May 28, 2011
For reasons known to some of you, I have not had the energy, time, desire or inspiration to post anything on this blog in a while. Now the reasons will be crystal clear to anyone who cares to read. Yes, this will likely give me away to anyone who reads this and knows me, but hasn't yet figured out it's me writing it. But some things are more important than total anonymity.
In late April, my lovely wife Mrs. "Smith" was diagnosed with Metastatic (Stage IV or Advanced) Breast Cancer. We have been on a roller coaster ride since learning of this, as the news has come to us in stages.
We first learned there was something suspicious on her mammogram. Then they did a second mammogram, an ultrasound and a biopsy. A few days later we learned it was cancerous and had spread to a lymph node in her armpit. About a week after that, we got a call to tell us the cancer had metastasized and spread to a small spot on her liver and a small spot on one vertebra. About a week after that, we saw the results of the PET/CT scan. We finally knew the disease was in bone, in quite a few places.
The best news we received was that it is not in her brain. Thank God for that.
To look at her, you can't even tell she has cancer, let alone something so advanced. It still blows my mind. The only symptoms she has are fatigue and back pain.
Needless to say, my mind has been going to some pretty dark and evil places over the past few weeks, and a lot of my energy has been going toward pulling myself out of this pit and bringing back the optimistic thoughts.
Because of all this, I will not likely be posting anything new on here in the near future. There are more important things in life than a blog. Namely, taking care of the missus and keeping her in good spirits.
My wife is a fighter of the highest caliber, and she is determined to beat this thing into remission and stay with me for many years to come. I am determined to help her do it. She is handling this whole experience with incredible grace and poise. Yes, she has cried a few times. She has gotten angry. But she hasn't let it completely overwhelm her. She knows if she just lays down and lets the cancer take over, it wins. She knows what she needs to do, and she just does it. As I have told her a few times recently, she's "my fucking hero".
She has one hell of a support network behind her, and she gets way more support than I would be able to give her by myself. Aside from family, friends and my co-workers, she also has a network of friends through Policewives.org. This group of ladies (and at least one fellow) has been a HUGE boost to her morale.
Mrs. Smith joined the group in 2008, and has since made many friends there. I have found it to be a community much like the one among police officers. I mean, why not? They're all married to coppers, so it only makes sense. Police wives have a connection that runs just as deep as the one we have as police officers. I recommend all police wives at least take a look at the site. It's a great support system for all things related to being married to this job, and you really don't want to wait until some bad shit happens to get on the site. Having the friendships beforehand has been absolutely invaluable to the missus.
Back to the point though, chemotherapy will start soon and I'm sure I will have even less time to sit here on the computer. I do not plan on giving regular status reports here related to my wife's condition. I may post something about the results of treatment, but I will not be posting weekly or even monthly updates. Please don't ask.
As a sort of side note to any women who may read this blog, do me and yourself a favor. Check yourself regularly. Don't be shy. Feel yourself up. Squeeze those boobies. You'll thank yourself for doing it if you never have to go through what Mrs. "Smith" is going through now.
Anyway, for those who are so inclined, please keep Mrs. "Smith" in your prayers. For those who are NOT so inclined, at least send some positive thoughts and energy her way.
So, with all that said, I guess this is it for a while. Hopefully this will just be a brief intermission between acts in the comedy/drama/thriller that is Officer Smith.
See y'all later, and stay safe.
It's a jungle out there...