You Just Stopped Me Because I'm (Insert Race Here)...

I really hate that phrase. That's the phrase people break out when they have tried all of the other excuses in the book and failed. "You just stopped me because I'm black!" "You just stopped me because I'm Hispanic!" "You just stopped me because I'm Asian!" Just once I'd love to hear someone say "You just stopped me because I'm white!" That person will likely not get a ticket because they will have made my friggin' week.

I have many theories on why people bust that one out. They think it's a trump card, like it's going to beat anything in my hand. They think it's going to scare me into not arresting them or giving them that ticket. They may even really think that I'm racist. It really torques me off when people play the race card like that. "You wouldn't have stopped me if I was white!"

Do these people really think that the police let people get away with crime just because they are not a minority? Do they really think I would look the other way if I saw a white guy beating on his girlfriend, but I'd arrest a black man I saw doing the same thing? If you honestly think that I will only act upon crimes committed by a certain race, that would make YOU the racist, not me. I carry equal opportunity handcuffs. No matter what race you are, take responsibility for your own actions. Admit you screwed the pooch.

Just once, I would love to reply with "You know what sir? You are absolutely correct. I stopped you because you're black. It had nothing to do with the red light you ran back there, or the expired registration tabs on your car, or your extremely loud music, or your pretty blue lights on your windshield washers...... yup, it was just because you're black. Even though it's night time, I could tell through your midnight tint on your back windows that you were black." So far, I have been able to bite my toungue, but I'm sure I won't be able to help myself one day.

By the way, every single person who has used this line on me has either gotten the ticket for which I stopped them, or been arrested. The moral? Don't try to bullshit me. I'm a professional bullshitter and I'll win.