The Town Crier (Part II)....

Ee-freakin-gads... I stopped another one today.

I got her on the radar at 45 in a 25 mile per hour zone. It took me six blocks and a red light to catch up to her, then it took her another four and a half blocks to stop for the lights and siren.

As I approached the driver's window, I asked her if she knew the proper response when a police car was following her with the lights and siren on. She said she thought I was after someone else. Well, let's see, everyone else was MOVING OUT OF THE WAY, while you and I drove right by them.

Oh, she said, I didn't see you until we crossed the boulevard. Ahhh, well, the boulevard is four and a half blocks back, and that just happens to be where I turned the lights on in the first place.

Boo hoo, I have all kinds of problems in my life right now and I don't need a ticket. The transit cops have been writing me tickets every day for parking here without a permit. I'm about to end my temporary job.

Okay, so that makes it alright for you to drive through a residential area at 20 miles over the posted speed limit? Sign here.

"You must like ruining people's lives". This is where it gets ugly. You see, I did not make you drive 45 miles per hour in a 25 mile per hour zone. I did not make you fail to yield to my lights and siren. I am not making you quit your job. I didn't write you parking tickets because you failed to obtain a parking permit. I am not responsible for your personal issues. Sign here.

"I won't drive this way ever again". Good. I certainly hope you won't. I don't know about you, but I'd be pretty pissed off if somebody went tearing ass down my 25 mile per hour residential street at 45. And ya' know what? I'd be really spun if a cop pulled you over for driving 45 in my 25 neighborhood, and DIDN'T GIVE YOU A TICKET. Sign here.

I'm getting ready to transfer my insurance into my name, and a ticket is going to make that more expensive. Hmmm, okay. So take traffic school and keep the point from going on your driving record. No point, no insurance issues. Can't go to traffic school because you've already been? Then I guess you're just a bad driver. All the more reason you need a ticket. Sign here.

She finally signed the cite. I gave her her copy and walked away as she was calling after me to just listen to her. I'm sorry, I have already listened to you for far longer than I should have, and you have still not said anything terribly convincing.

I gotta go. I have tickets to write.