'Twas the Night Before Christmas...

'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the town
Not a cretin was stirring
Except for one clown

The citizens were nestled
All snug in their beds
Not a thought of this criminal
Passed through their heads

As Santa and his reindeer
Flew away after leaving
Some gifts for the kiddies
Our clown started thieving

When he tripped on the lawnmower
There arose such a clatter
But no one was awake
To see what was the matter

Away to the shadows
He flew like a flash
He found a window unlocked
And he eased up the sash

The thief crept through the house
With a creak of the floor
Then he ransacked the closets
And rifled through drawers

He took jewels and money
And a laptop and vase
Then to carry it all
Grabbed a clean pillowcase

Then the bastard took presents
From under the tree
With no thoughts of the children
Or of you, or of me

On the other side of town
Was a cop on his beat
Rolling round in his car
Checking down every street

He was rattling doors too
In his goal to ensure
Not that they were open
But that they were secure

Shining spot light down alleys
Looking in between houses
Naught escaped from his gaze
Not even the mouses

A well trained observer
Who lived for the night
Ever watchful, ever vigilant
Always doing what's right

When what in the beam
Of his light should appear
But the thief with the pillowcase
With a look like a deer

As the cop and the bad guy
Both gasped with a start
The clown took off running
Through the yards and the park

The clown kept on running
Over fences, round bikes
But the cop had another plan
Speaking into his mic

He called in the Cavalry
From throughout the town
On the head of that thief
Soon all hell would rain down

Come O'malley, come Johnson
Come Williams and Powell
Come Smith and McDonald
And Cartwright and Howell

Set up a perimeter
We'll box in that clown
I need a unit at the corner
Of 15th and Downs

Downs and 14th, Quinn and 14th
Lastly 15th and Quinn
Then we'll have him surrounded
We will have him penned in

They set up a perimeter
And they sealed up the block
With the thief hiding somewhere
Behind bushes or rocks

Then they called in the K9
Did a yard to yard search
Past the houses, through the park
Even round back a church

And they searched and they searched
They kept searching some more
Behind rocks, in the bushes
In the Dumpsters of stores

The last yard on the block
And the dog finally hit
When the mope saw the fur missile
His last thought was OH GEEZ!

After getting a bite
On his leg from the pup
The clown threw up his hands
And said "WAIT! I GIVE UP!"

PLEASE MAN, CALL THE DOG OFF!
Screamed our bloodied up clown
K9 copper yelled PLATZ!
And the doggie lay down

All the coppers piled on
And they put him in cuffs
Then the clown started wailing
'Cause he wasn't so tough

I can't breathe... ow, my leg
And such pointless mularkey
In attempts to get handcuffs removed
Nice try Sparky.

The presents went back
To their place un'the tree
Not a thing set amiss
When the kids come to see

In the back of the car
The thief went with a clatter
As the neighbors looked out
To see what was the matter

When the copper explained
To the folks what went down
They applauded and whistled
At the demise of the clown

Said the copper as he drove
With the clown out of sight
Merry Christmas to all
Thank You!...

And Good Night!

Merry Christmas, from the Smith house to yours...