Monday, August 2, 2010

On Badge Bunnies and Beat Wives...

Any cop's wife already knows what those terms mean, but for those who don't I'll explain.

A badge bunny is basically a cop groupie. A woman who drools and slobbers all over cops just because they're cops. Oddly, many badge bunnies also happen to be cops themselves.

A beat wife is the woman you, umm... "see" when you're on duty or in the city where you work, and is generally not known to your actual wife. Such a woman can also be known by other names such as girlfriend, side action, or the other woman. Another commonly used name, especially by the actual wife, would be "whore". The keeping of a beat wife is known in other circles as "having an affair" or "getting around".

Okay, so now that that's cleared up...

The first group, the badge bunnies drive me nuts, and not in a good way. They hang around all the places cops can regularly be found and try to pick up on the aforementioned, with no consideration as to the marital status of said coppers. In fact, many badge bunnies think it all the better if their prospect is married and will seek out the ringed left finger.

Badge bunnies often don't take rejection well. I have experienced a few badge bunnies on car stops. A bunny will usually try to convince you not to give them a ticket, then convince you to go meet them for a drink or give you their phone number. Oddly, when they get the cold shoulder (and the hot citation) they generally turn into quite the bitch. I have even heard some cases where a rejected bunny has turned into straight up stalker. I haven't yet experienced this one first hand.

On the other hand, beat wives are a phenomenon that has gone on for many years in my profession. I know for a fact it still goes on today, however I'll not delve into how I know since the statute of limitations is not up on that yet.

What bugs the hell out of me is that these women think nothing of the marriages their targets have (usually) worked so hard to build and maintain. Being married to a police officer is not easy. The odd hours, the shitty sleep patterns, and the constant stress on both halves of the marriage can take their toll. Police wives are some of the most dedicated wives on the planet. It takes a very special type of person to do THAT job.

For the record I personally have not, and do not take part in the chasing of badge bunnies or the keeping of beat wives. Mostly because I love the Missus very much and I have significantly higher moral standards than that, but also because I fear losing parts of my anatomy to which I am both physically and very emotionally attached.

This post was brought about by listening to Mrs. Smith lament over the failed marriages of some of her friends who also happen to be married to cops. The missus has been so troubled by these occurrences that she has even felt the need to ask me on a number of occasions if we're "okay". Not because she is insecure, or weak, or un-trusting. But because it has happened to so bleeding many of her friends.

We're fine. I can't say so much for the others.

Police wives have ways of talking amongst themselves, and I have heard some stories during the past months of some really good cops losing their really good wives because they couldn't keep their wicks dry. So, to all my fellow coppers who read this blog, I ask this of you. When the opportunity arises for you to take part in such extra-marital activities as I have mentioned, do me favor first.

(Plug your ears... err, eyes... kids...)

Think with your head, not with your dick.

I've seen a few too many good marriages destroyed recently because of badge bunnies...


Sister Copinherhair said...

I've also heard the term "holster sniffer."

Anywho...I dressed as a badge bunny for Halloween last year. You know, the sexy cop costume with bunny ears and tail added...and furry handcuffs. Sadly, not many of my friends knew what the hell it was.

To be honest, "Beat wife" is a new one to me. I hadn't heard it before.

911 and the Randomness.. said...

Very well said!! You forgot one thing-badge bunnies can also be dispatchers...(One hit on my LEO right in front of me while we were all working together!!)
They have no morals. Sad.
Glad to hear you are one of the 'good guys'.


*Goddess* said...

Ok, I have to admit, I was rather surprised to read the line that some COPS are badge bunnies! That's a bit bizarre.

And I was shaking my head when I read this line, "The missus has been so troubled by these occurrences that she has even felt the need to ask me on a number of occasions if we're 'okay'," because from time to time, I find myself asking my husband the same thing, and he always looks at me like I've grown another head. Relieved to know I'm not the only married woman who does that:)

Expatriate Owl said...

College professors and their spouses obviously do not live with quite the same kind of stress that is the norm for the law enforcement profession. But we do have analogous opportunity seekers who can wreck our marriages if we choose to fall into the trap.

I do know of more than a few university faculty members who have taken the bait, and, consequently, passed a portion of their salaries over some members of the Bar whose practices focus upon matrimonial matters. It is not a pretty sight, particularly when the home that is being broken up includes younger children.

[Not that the matrimonal Bar is immune from it; one of the most laugh-inducing cases I ever read in the law reporters was the judicial decision involving the marriage of my Domestic Relations professor from law school. His ex sure got the heavier half of the nest egg.].

I have had a few of my female students try to make plays for me. One of them told me that if ever I become unhappy, then to look her up because she would be pleased to make me happy. I told her that we would see. It has been 15+ years and were still waiting to see.

Another one showed me two tickets to a YoYo Ma concert at Lincoln Center and asked me to go with her. I said that we'd need another ticket for my wife. She quickly backed off.

The one with the most chutzpah actually grabbed my hand and tried to close my office door. I said to her, "Wendy [not her real name], if I go with you, then you will have a man who cheats on his wife. I think that you deserve better than that!!

"Wendy" was certainly very attractive, and knew it. But neither she, nor any other woman, is worth trashing my marriage over.

Ann T. said...

Dear Officer Smith,
Since the Badge Bunnies are witches when they don't get their way, this is a bad sign for future understanding of the burdens on a committed relationship. I guess they frequently don't want one--if they seek out the married men.

The beat wives (what a term) also seem like a temporary prop that has to be a PITA in the long term.

I do appreciate the longer explanation. I have read or seen examples in electronic media, so it's not a surprise.

Congratulations on a good marriage. That's got to be the best support there is on earth, no matter the field.

Ann T.

HonkingAntelope said...

Most women consistently bring out the worst in guys rather than the best, so what else is new?

Texas Ghostrider said...

we call them "dirty legs" down here. good luck beating them off, but some even like that.......

Beat And Release said...

I had a badge bunny dispatcher actually call my house one morning right after my wife left for work, wanting to know when I was going to "come over." That, of course, never happened.

I tell the young officers that women and alcohol will get them in trouble and/or fired really quick.

Meadowlark said...

...and Records chicks. We've had two different officers leave their wife (or be left by their wife) because of a couple of girls in Records.

Meadowlark said...

Can't forget this one. She accidentally hit reply all on an email from her boyfriend - she was arguing with him and listing all the guys at training she was gonna do.

They had a field day with it.


Unknown said...

Well said!

Let me add, that regardless of how secure a wife is about themselves and their relationship, knowing and hearing about so many cases of infidelity especially in "perfectly happy" relationships has a way of shaking one up. Ive heard that PW's can be insecure and paranoid... it is my opinion that is far from correct. We bust our butts, often getting little appreciation, affection, let alone the things that "normal" wives take for granted like holidays together, not being interrupted in the middle of a meal, having meals on time, not eating and sleeping alone, not laying awake at night, alone, worrying if your spouse is going to be injured let alone hit on by some sleazy badge bunny who thinks its "like really hot" to sleep with a cop. We love our husbands, and have a level of dedication that , in my opinion, far exceeds many. And all we ask for in return is the same amount of love and loyalty.

Kathy said...

An excellent article!!!

I am so blessed and thankful to be married to a LEO that believes and feels the same as you do.

Dispatcher Sassy Pants said...

Yes, sadly some of the worst offenders are dispatchers. Being on the other end of the mic, I can tell you that married cops are not entirely innocent. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten then "I have a frigid sexless wife, if only she understood this job like you do" talk. Like that's gonna make my panties fly right off.

I have a no cop rule, it's just better (and more professional) that way. As I watch drama surround one coworker after another, I find myself vindicated in my decision.

Anonymous said...

I'm not sticking up for the ho's going after married cops, but it takes two to tango, right?

Sabra said...

I'm pretty sure the cops with beat wives have as little respect for their marriages as the women do. Not trying to excuse the women, mind--not after having been on the wrecked end of the marriage. But, as the saying goes, it takes two to tango, and the married man is the one choosing to ignore his promises.

LBD said...

It's interesting to see where you assign the responsibility for adultery. Let's see.....Badge Bunny is single, available, has not taken vows in front of Man and God, but it's HER fault when a man breaks his solemn, sacred vow to have some fun?

How about some understanding of the BB? She's a female adrift in a world of politically correct girlie men. Just as a voluptuous figure is sexual shorthand to men that a woman is sexy and feminine, a police or military uniform is hormonal shorthand to a woman that a man is masculine and has physical courage. Is it any wonder that any police officer can get just about as much feminine companionship as he can handle?

What other job classification, other than movie star or professional athlete, can this be said of? I haven't ever heard of accountant or engineer groupies, although those guys are usually smart and good earners.

At my age (59) and (27 year) married status, I'm not in this game, but I'd just like to put in a little word for the BB.

Officer "Smith" said...

I'm not assigning blame to anyone. Note the last part admonishing my fellow coppers to think before they pursue such activities.

Candi Apple said...

This is a touchy topic and one I've blogged about as well. I agree with those who are assigning blame equally and I liked what LBD had to say. I know which women are which, but to many people there's no distinction between someone who is of the opposite sex and friends with a cop (married or no), someone who is legitimately dating a cop, and badge bunnies/ beat wives.

As a single female who is friends with a few cops (married, divorced, and single), I can say I've had opportunities. It's all a choice, but sadly some guys expect and generalize that any woman who is friendly is a BB. I've lost some friends who couldn't accept no for an answer, and still have some that respect my choices and have looked like asses.

It's all based on choices and I get annoyed at both men who would treat me no better than 'the other woman,' and BB's who make it a challenge to have friends without assumptions being made. I do have a vague idea of where PW's are coming from because I know just how much I worry about my friends, and how much I worried, and had to adjust my life to even date ex's. It's a tough position to be in on all sides.

*Goddess* said...

When you stop to think about it there are a LOT of professions that attract these women: music industry, race car driving, sports, you have women who only want to marry doctors--sadly usually instilled by their mommys, firemen have groupies, as well as tv/movie people. Strange when you think about it.

On the flip side, you have guys who only want to marry models or strippers or both:) Gawd, you men are SO!

Unknown said...

I'm the wife of a fireman and the difficulties you spoke about in marriage is the same for us if not worse due to the awful pay ff make which turns into most working 2 department jobs which means 48 straight hours away from home and family to work at the station. Then cramming in daddy time, husband wife time, entire family time, give wife a break time, his own time, honey do list time and forget about catching up on sleep time all into the one 24 hours off. Our men spend so much time running medical calls that our badge bunnies are nurses and sometimes patients.

Anonymous said...

I feel the need to defend some, not all but some, of the Badge Bunnies out there as well as some of the dispatchers who are Badge Bunnies. I've been called a Badge Bunny and never in the past considered it an insult, but it seems to be being used soley as a derogatory term in this case.

As a dispatcher that works rotating shifts I find it's much easier to date someone that understand things like mandatory overtime, midnight shift, that you don't always get to clock out the second your shift is supposed to be over, and job stress. While I firmly believe that a LEO job is more stressful, risky, and mentally and emotionally taxing a dispatchers job isn't exactly a cake walk.

Everyone has preferences. How many times have you heard 'I'm a leg man myself.'? Or someone that prefers blondes to brunettes or redheads? It's not all that different to have a preference that centers around your profession.

I also want to point out that not all Badge Bunnies go after married men. As far as I'm concerned if you're married you're off limits period. I don't care if you're a LEO or the milk man.

So not all Badge Bunnies are bad.

With all that being said, I will however admit ... The uniform is sexy. :)

Surviving in his Wake said...

I came upon your blog purely by chance. I recently lost my Fiance who is a police services technician to a MARRIED dispatcher/BB/BW. She started chatting up my fiance while they both worked graves. We were 2 months from being married when he walked out to play family with her. She just recently served her husband with divorce papers.

2 familes shattered by the stupid and wreckless choices of others. Guys take his advice. AVOID BB/BW at all possible and don't even go there in your jokes/thoughts. It truly hurts and destroys familes who did nothing but support you as they try to survive in your wake.

Put them first in your choices with who and how you interact. It will make you a much bigger hero in the eyes of those who love you.

Natalie said...

I have heard about all this before. I hope they aren't all really like that, but I LOVE Dispatcher Sassy Pants' comment. That's classic. I am an ex-Army wife, and I completely concur with the comment about how some of the Badge Bunnies are officers themselves. Some of the worst ones to hit on my husband and blow his phone up were female coworkers who took advantage that it was "required" to be able to contact him. Glad that marriage is over- he was just as guilty as they were!

Robin Ansell said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ER Red said...

Thank You Officer "Smith"! I am an Emergency Room PA & am in constant contact with LE & Fire. I also have personal friends who are cops & medics & are good men.

i am tired of being "targeted" by Badge Bunnies & "Beat Wives" because LE & Fire who know me stop and talk to me when they're around town either on duty or not! After two Master's Degrees & an ER Residency, I think I've earned the right & priviledge to work with LE & Fire & to have earned their respect!

Had one "Beat Wife" who lied to LE she knows & told them that I am a Badge Bunny..I helped the "Beat Husband's " relative by setting up ride alongs for them & help jump start their the dismay of her "Beat Husband," his relative found that I know many in EMS (EMS is a small world!) & that EMS stick together...when a Fire Captain figured out that this "Beat Wife" was treating me unkindly (by defaming word got around the EMS world)...the "Beat Husband's" Relative was no longer invited to the Firehouse for Ride-Alongs...the "Beat Wife" may have ruined his Relative's fledgling career...

So the damage Badge Bunnies & "Beat Wives" create sometimes goes further than the marriage...also any Man in LE or Fire who think these women are attracted to them because they are "Knights in Shining Armour" are kidding themselves...they are actually after the $$$ & Benefits...that's why when they can't deal with the odd hours & the stress of the job...they leave with 50% of the assets...Officer "Smith" you are absolutely right when you say it takes a special woman to be married to LE & Fire! It also takes a special woman to work with them...

Melinda Myers said...

I'm in school right now but I want to be a police officer. After reading what you said Smith and all of the comments everyone has made, it worries me a bit that as a young woman trying to enter this particular field I will automatically be looked at as a 'cop groupie','badge bunny', or a 'pistol sniffer'. I certainly understand that women like that would be irritating to deal with. Should I be concerned that I may be perceived as this?

Officer "Smith" said...


It's all in how you carry yourself. If you give the impression you are a badge bunny, you'll be perceived as one. If you act like just another cop, then that's how you'll be seen.

Unfortunately, there will always be folks who see all female cops as badge bunnies, just like there will always be people who think all cops are corrupt, but that can't be helped.

Unknown said...

Thanks for sharing!! Unfortunately, this is the reason behind our marriage resulting on a divorce which he filed 8 weeks ago! I guess the grass is greener on the other side!!! He filed. This is his 3rd divorce, guess he hasn't figured it out yet!!

Unknown said...

Great point!!! I have often heard from my husband, soon to be ex, that I wad insecure!!! Right, I saw the texts!! Thanks!!!

BlueIon said...

So my hubby gave me a new name for 'Badge Bunnies' yesterday. He said he calls them 'Leather Lickers'. Really!?! Is that a term? I think that must be HIS personal term. Hope he's enjoying himself.
Personally, I feel that it's all in the integrity of each individual. 'She threw herself at me' doesn't cut it for me. Forget it.