5! 4! 3! 2! DUCK!!!!

Ahhh yes. The New Year is nigh upon us again. A time of festivities, fun, alcohol, fireworks..... and gunfire. Yes, around these parts the not so smart ones believe a handgun, or even in some cases a rifle, are acceptable substitutes for fireworks. I am fortunate this year. It is one of those rare occasions... I don't have to work tonight.

When I work on New Year's eve, there is a regular tradition. All of the officers in the area can be found from about fifteen minutes before midnight, until about fifteen minutes after midnight, on the bottom floor of the nearest concrete parking garage. If you need a cop, that's where we'll be.

Our neighboring cities seem to have some residents who never paid attention when they were studying physics. Or maybe they just didn't go to school at all because they spent too much time smoking weed and hanging with their homies. I don't know for sure.

Anyway, those of us who understand the basic laws of nature know that what goes up, must at some point come back down. If that something happens to be a bullet, it seems that they always come down on a vehicle or house. Every year we hear of injuries from these ignorant bastards.

In a perfect world, the bullets would come straight back down upon those stupid enough to fire them. How sweet would that be? I can see the headline now, "Man Kills Self With Celebratory Bullet".

You! Out of the gene pool!

Just When You Thought it was Safe to Go Back in the Express Line...

When I go to the grocery store lately, I have found myself taking my handful of items to a regular checkout line. The "express" line seems to take longer than any other line in the store anyway, and lately it seems to attract every inconsiderate asshole within twenty miles. It's like flypaper.

I was behind a woman a week or two ago, who was in the clearly signed express line, which is clearly marked, in large letters, EXPRESS - 15 ITEMS OR LESS - ATM/CASH ONLY. She had a cart piled full, I mean up over the sides and packed into the bottom too. I stood behind her for a few minutes, hoping against hope that she would notice the LARGE SIGN! Needless to say, she never noticed. The guy in line behind me said "I guess the express lane ain't what it used to be huh?" The overloaded cart woman turned around and looked at him like he had just told her her leg had fallen off. I said to her "I guess less is more..." and left the line. I went to the next regular line. The other guy followed me because he was fed up too.

While I was waiting for my ATM card to be approved, I looked over at "her lowness", and could not believe my eyes. SHE WAS WRITING A GODDAMNED CHECK!!! I was flabbergasted. And the whole time, the sheep in line behind her said nothing, nor did the cashier. Why the hell not just do away with the whole express line. No, wait, better yet, make it like the carpool lane. If someone feels they are too good to go in the regular lines with their two ton cart... CITE THE BASTARDS.

I think $275 would be sufficient...

Addendum (there's another cool word): I see Officer Wright has had a similar experience.

Merriam Freakin' Webster ROCKS!!!

I love words. I have been known to sit and read the dictionary just to learn a few new words. For some reason, there are some words that just really appeal to me. Some aren't necessarily terribly interesting in their definitions, but they just sound cool. Then there are some that have a really impressive meaning.

Speculate - Speculate is a great word. Smith speculated Jones may have taken the wallet. It just sounds neat.

Shat - I shall never forget the first time my sergeant used this word. "He shat all over himself. Isn't that a great word? Shat." I love it.

Vacuous - "Is she really as vacuous as she seems?"

Tittering - This is a fun one. If you want to make a class of full fourth graders titter uncontrollably, just say "The class full of fourth graders was tittering uncontrollably".

Cantankerous - "He's a cantankerous old coot, ain't he?"

Perhaps - I use this one a lot, probably several times a day. I just think it sounds classy. Perhaps you should stop next time and I won't write you the ticket. Perhaps we should go to lunch. I even throw it at the kids sometimes. Well, if you don't whack your brother, perhaps you won't get in trouble!

Efficacious - Mrs. "Smith" uses this one a lot. The use of this word can be most efficacious.

Outstanding - This one is a staple of law enforcement.

Contemplate - Ranks right up there with speculate.

Periphery - Makes you sound really highfalutin. Speaking of which...

Highfalutin - Not used very often, maybe because it's another one of those derned highfalutin words.

Dolt - I like this one. You can use it in front of the kids.

Imbecile - Another useful one when driving.

Consternation - My normal state while dealing with my kids.

Preposterous - Another one that makes you sound highfalutin.

Pontificate - I hate it when people do this to me on traffic stops.

Blather - I'd rather have them do this.

Recalcitrant - My kids

Niggardly - It means cheap, like tightwad.

Gibberish - What my youngest has been talking lately.

Interminable - Kinda like this list.

Methylchloroisothiazolinone - An ingredient in shampoo.

Putrefaction - Not a pretty process, but a neat sounding word nonetheless.

Nonetheless - Yet another highfalutin word.

Dastardly - One of my favorite characters on Bullwinkle was Dick Dastardly

Palpitate - A fancy way of saying feel.

Subsequently - Just don't ever use this one at the end of a sentence. It should be "I subsequently arrested the suspect", not "I arrested the suspect subsequently". That one will spin Mrs. Smith out.

I could go on forever with this list, but I'll desist (another good one) as it's getting a bit ponderous (yet another). I hope you all find this list beneficial (I'm on a freakin' roll over here aren't I?) to your vocabulary (man I just don't quit).

Have a spectacular day...

Another Pet Peeve...

I was in line behind a guy at Safeway yesterday, who thought it okay to put his item at the beginning of the empty conveyor belt, and stand right there blocking me from putting my heavy items down. He kept looking back, so he knew I was there. He just didn't feel it necessary to move his little gravy packets forward and put the stupid little plastic bar down so I could put my 12 pack of Coke and 9 pounds of dishwasher detergent on the damned belt. All he had to do was close a little of the ten feet of vacant space between him and the person ahead of him.

Inconsiderate people like this just spin me out. He stood there until the person ahead of him was finished, then he stepped forward and handed the gravy to the checker. I made it a point to place my stuff right at the far end of the belt, leaving ample room for the woman behind me to put her things on the belt. I put the plastic thing down (what the hell do they call those anyway? Is there a name for them or are they just "the plastic bar thingy?), and I said rather loudly, "Here you go, I left room for you".

I don't know if the guy felt some need to piss me off personally, if he just acts like that to everyone, or if it was just an unintentional oversight on his part. I don't think I wrote him a ticket recently, and I was off duty anyway, but I guess some people aren't happy unless they are inconveniencing someone else.

Then there's the people who go to the express line with more than 15 items... but I digress. That's a rant in and of itself.

Whatever blows yer kilt up I suppose.

10 Rules for the Gunfighter...

Okay, so I found a few more than the original ten, here's 15 Rules for the Gunfighter:

1. Bring a gun. Preferably, bring at least two.

2. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap, life is priceless.

3. Only hits count. You can't miss fast enough to win.

4. If your shooting stance is good you 're probably not moving fast enough or using cover correctly.

5. Keep shooting until the threat no longer exists.

6. If you can choose what to bring to a gun fight, bring a long gun and a friend.

7. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.

8. If you are not shooting you should be reloading or moving.

9. Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting standards will be more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the gun.

10. Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.

11. Have a plan.

12. Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.

13. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.

14. Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust. Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them.)

15. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

I'm Up to my Neck in Toys...

You never really notice how many things your kids get for Christmas each year, until they come up to you the day AFTER Christmas and ask you "Since it's the last day of Christmas, can we go to Target and I can get an R/C car with the gift card Gramma gave me?"

The last day of Christmas. They have been getting Christmas presents since last week. To them, there's more than one day of Christmas. Less than twelve... but more than one.

As I sit here, I'm looking at a pile of shopping bags that stretches at least four feet by four feet, and most of it is theirs. I got some things I wanted, and Mrs. Smith got some things she wanted, but the kids got EVERYTHING imaginable. You already can't see the friggin' floor in their room, and now there's more!!

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. It happens exactly the same way every year. I suppose I just have a short memory, and when the Christmas madness is over, my mind is fried. From now until New Year's Day, I can't remember things from one minute to the next. I have 364 days each year to forget...

Ummm, what was I saying?

Merry Christmas...

Merry Christmas to all. I don't understand why it's so taboo to say this nowadays. I mean, it's not like I'm walking up to you and saying "You have to believe in the same God as everyone else". I'm simply wishing you a happy holiday without resorting to some lame, non-denominational saying like "Seasons Greetings" or "Happy Holidays". We can't say Merry Christmas because not everyone celebrates Christmas I suppose. But I still don't get it.

If a Jewish person said Happy Hanukkah to me, I would not be the least bit offended. That is the holiday they celebrate, and they are wishing me good will for the time of year. If an "African American" (another politically correct term) person said Happy Kwanzaa to me, I would not be offended. That is the holiday that person celebrates. Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Ramadan, freaking Boxing Day, I don't care. Whatever your holy day, or days, I wish you well.

So, that said, Merry Christmas everybody, whatever you celebrate. I hope everyone got what they wanted. Have fun playing with your new toys.

Another Post About the Scourge of Methamphetamine...

Meth addicts are fun to deal with sometimes, but meth labs scare the hell out of me. I have been very fortunate so far, and have never come face to face with a lab. I'm waiting though.

I'm waiting for the day I'm searching a car and find a boxed lab in the trunk. I'm waiting for the day I respond to a suspicious occurrence and find bottles of chemicals. I'm waiting for the day I'm searching a house and I find a fully operating lab.

Talk about an explosive situation. That shit will blow up in your face. All you can do is get the hell out and call HazMat. Let the professionals deal with it.

I saw two houses in the neighborhood where I grew up go up in flames because of meth labs. That was back in the day, when meth was the new drug... the up and coming drug. Nobody suspected a thing until the roof of the house was in the front yards of the houses in the next block, and the window glass was in the back yard of the house across the street. It's amazing what a few little bottles of liquid are capable of. You do NOT want to be in that house when something sparks.

The truly shitty thing is when you find the kids sleeping in the next room over. What did they do to deserve that? Just because mom and dad are shitbags, shouldn't be a death sentence for a kid. I hope I never find one of those.

Weirdo...

I have a habit that seems weird to some. I know what you're thinking... now get your mind out of the gutter.

What I like to do, is open the vehicle code book to a random page at the beginning of my shift. I look at the sections on that page, and find one that particularly interests me, then I try to write a ticket for that section some time during my workday.

Occasionally I have been known to open the book and just start reading. I have found things in there that I didn't even know were illegal. Hey, I didn't know you couldn't do that!! Like I said before, knowledge is power.

Strange? Maybe. But it keeps my job interesting, and I learn new stuff every time. Just one of many little quirks I have.

Book Smart vs. Street Smart...

Many agencies these days want folks to have some college units before they will hire them. I can kinda' understand the thought process. By going to college and passing some classes, you show that you're educateable. I know, that's not even a word... so freakin' sue me.

College makes you book smart. Book smarts can be a very good thing in life. Unfortunately, book smarts are not all they're cracked up to be. We have had some very smart people fail FTO. We have also had some very smart people realize law enforcement is just not for them.

We had an officer a while back who was very, very smart. The guy had a Master's degree in some obscure biological discipline. Why he wasted that on a job in law enforcement is beyond me. Anyway, the guy is intelligent, articulate and very personable. All good traits for a cop. This was his first job. He came to us right out of college.

The problem is, he wasn't the least bit street savvy. You could tell he grew up in a rich area and went to rich schools. He probably never heard a cuss word in his life. He has likely never been in a fight.

One day, I rolled up to cover him while he was in training. He was talking to one of our typical hoods, and the knucklehead was "motherfucking" him up one side and down the other. The officer was just standing there trying to get a word in edgewise, trying to tell the guy to sit down, trying to tell him why we stopped him, but the guy just wouldn't shut up. The officer was simply too nice for his own good. This guy took advantage of the "niceness" and took control of the situation. Not a good thing to let the bad guy take control. I couldn't stand it anymore, so with the blessing of the trainer, I stepped in.

I told our friend to shut the fuck up and sit his ass on the curb so the nice officer could explain the situation. Yes, those were my words. You know what happened next? The knucklehead shut the fuck up, and sat his ass on the curb. I was speaking his language and he understood he was no longer in control.

When I looked at officer "Friendly", his jaw was hanging open as he stared at me in amazement. He had apparently never heard such language from a police officer's mouth. I think only my mom would have been more surprised (I wonder if she reads this). Nobody else I work with would even bat an eye. That is the caliber of person we deal with on a day to day basis. You have to talk to them in a language they understand. I certainly don't talk that way to everyone. You have to be able to read people to know who needs what sort of treatment.

I grew up in a not so beautiful town. It was a decent area, but all of the schools sucked because they served the entire area. You were either a beautiful person, or you learned to deal with business. I tended to keep to myself in school. I had a small group of friends, and that was it. I didn't hang with the badasses, but they generally didn't screw with me, I suppose because of how I carried myself. I knew how to talk. Not just speak, but talk.

Book smarts are great in this business, but street smarts are by far the more important trait to possess.

Words for the Wise...

These are some terms we use locally when we cite someone. These are variations on the verb, to cite, as in "I'm going to cite that driver":

Rag

Tag

Bag

Scratch

Stub

Cite

Zing

Fang

Write

Jam

Spank

This is by no means a comprehensive list. What terminology do you use?

Satisfaction...

Carpool ticket - $271

Red light ticket - $371

Disabled Parking ticket - $275

Seeing the look on the moron's face when he comes out of the burger joint to tell me he was only in there for a minute and he's moving right now, but I hand him the $275 ticket anyway...

PRICELESS!

It's a MERGE Motherf***er!!!

People around here, and elsewhere I'm sure, do not know how to merge. You know, when the left lane and the right lane come together, and traffic from both lanes combines into one. I figure I should define it here, because obviously some people don't have a friggin' clue.

Anytime there is traffic here, you will see three or four cars run up the side and try to move in at the front of the line. If people would just merge properly, one car from the left and one car from the right, there would be less traffic. It is because of these impatient bastards that traffic is so bad in the first place. It drives me batshit crazy when people insist upon flying up on one side or the other and diving in front of me.

It's like a zipper. One tooth from one side, then one tooth from the other side. You don't see zipper teeth trying to squeeze three in from one side right? That's because zippers are smart and they know it would gum everything up if they tried something ridiculous like that. Drivers around here are not even as smart as zippers. Is that pathetic or what. Looking at some of these morons makes me wonder if they even know how to WORK a zipper. Do they run around all day with their barn door hanging open?

I must assume people take their driving tests the way they take other tests. They remember the stuff long enough to take the test and get their license, then forget it. I tell them they can't do whatever they did and they reply "I didn't know I couldn't do that". You did take a test to get your license right? You didn't somehow slip through the cracks? Well, I suppose you must've just forgotten huh?

Crappy drivers annoy me. Have you noticed?

Note to Self...

When you're getting ready to blow through the front door of a house on a search warrant, and you see dust in the top rim of your pepper spray can... don't blow on it to get it out. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!

I'm Confused...

Along the side of the highway I take to work every day, there is a memorial of sorts. A large sign with a name, innumerable teddy bears and bouquets, and assorted other things are nailed to, and piled around a tree. This location is where a local person was killed in a collision.

What makes me wonder, is why people want to go there. When someone I know is killed in a crash, or shooting, or some other horrific way, the last thing I want to do is go to the place where that person's life ended. Especially on a regular basis. Once, maybe.

It makes no sense to me that his family members repeatedly go to that place. Why not go to someplace that brings them better memories. Remember his life, not his death. I don't go to the places where my friends have died. I drive by some of them every day, but I don't stop and stare. If I want to think about them, I go to the cemetery, or I look at photos. I just don't get it.

And these things don't just go away. There are some of these "memorials" along the highway that have been there for YEARS. They are obviously regularly maintained and cared for. I have seen street corners covered with flowers for days after a shooting. This I can understand. But to build something there and maintain it forever seems a bit, I don't know, excessive. Why do you want to memorialize the place your loved one was KILLED?

Am I the only one who thinks this is strange?

'Tis the Season...

Today I had to do something I didn't like. I had to tow a car. Now, normally I love towing people's rides, but this close to Christmas it's really a bitch. This guy was just a working stiff like the rest of us, but I couldn't, in good conscience, let him drive away.

The vehicle registration was expired by nine months. This makes the car towable in and of itself, but I don't always tow them. The driver was suspended. That also makes the car towable. The lack of insurance is not a towable offense, but combined with the other factors, I had no real choice but to tow the car. He knew he was taking a huge risk by driving under such conditions. He didn't like that I towed his car, but he understood and didn't give me shit about it.

I could have towed it for thirty days, but I didn't. Merry Christmas.

Look You Pompous Old Bastard, You Don't Scare Me...

I was on a car stop today in the parking lot of one of our local coffee joints. It's rather a small parking lot, and when I stop a car in there, I inevitably end up blocking someone in. Most people realize I am not going to be there all day and just wait for me to finish. I even try to acknowledge them and let them know I'll only be a few minutes.

As I'm explaining the cite to my driver and trying to convince her to sign it to avoid going to jail, this old bastard walks up behind me (his first mistake), and proceeds to "inform" me, in his most pompous and uppity voice, that I am blocking five cars in with my patrol car. I returned the favor and "informed" him that I was attempting to conduct my business and I would be moving momentarily.

Not good enough. He unilaterally decided he was the most important person short of God and he needed to get out NOW. I had to explain to him that the longer he stood next to me and kept me from doing my job, the longer it would take him to get out of the parking lot.

He finally ended the "conversation" with one of my least favorite lines. "Okay Mister (looking at my name plate) Smith, number (looking closely at my badge) 364, you just need to hurry up" and he turned and walked away. Oooohhhhh. Let me just stop shaking in my boots.

When people pull that crap, they don't realize it, but it does the exact opposite of what they intended. They think that by noting my name or badge number, I am going to suddenly kowtow to them and say "Yes sir, sorry sir, I'll move right now sir". Oh, geez, now you know who I am so I'd better be on my best behavior or you might "have my badge". Nope, sorry. If anything I'm going to take just a little bit LONGER. And so it went today...

I finished explaining the cite to my driver, and very carefully and deliberately walked back to my patrol car, taking care not to slip on the wet pavement or bump my still quaking shins on the push bumper. I waved to the pompous old bastard as I opened my door and told him "I'm moving now". Once I got in my car, I very carefully pulled my seatbelt across my body and buckled it, tugging a few times to ensure it was securely fastened (can't be too safe ya' know). I turned off my lights to ensure I wasn't going to distract anyone else with my pretty flashing lights and cause a crash. Next, I carefully and safely drove across the parking lot to the exit (15 miles per hour is the speed limit in parking lots). Before pulling out of the driveway, I made sure to signal my turn, and I waited for traffic to clear before CAREFULLY pulling out onto roadway. All told, I probably added another five minutes or so to his precious day. Ooops.... sorry.

I really wanted him to do something stupid so I'd have a reason to stop and cite him, but alas, he did not. Darn, can't win 'em all I suppose.

That Ain't Mine Man...

I don't know how it got in my car. My friend must have left it there. I just bought the car. You planted it. Some dude just threw it in the window back there. This ain't my car. Aliens must've put it there.

When I search a car, or a person for that matter, and I find their stuff, the standard response is "That shit ain't mine man!" Well, it was in your car, pants, sock, backpack, etc., how'd it get there?

I don't know about you, but NOTHING gets in my pants without my knowledge... Umm, hmmm, well, you know what I mean.

I suppose the thought is, if you say right away the stuff isn't yours you'll have a better defense. You can say "Well, I told the officer it wasn't mine and I didn't know how it got there", and you'll be home free, right? Well, not exactly. The problem with that is, EVERYBODY says the same thing. It loses it's effectiveness after it's been used that much.

Be creative. Say "it's not a crack pipe, it's a pipette for your chemistry class". Or maybe, "Oh, I found that on the sidewalk back there... it's crank? " Perhaps, "I thought that was an Airsoft gun... I would NEVER carry a real gun". Something other than "I don't know".

Then again, criminals are generally stupid right? That's why they're the criminals.

The Law of Averages...

It is said the average peace officer applies for the job eleven times before finally being hired. I went through my application history, and found that my current employer was my eleventh application. Go figure.

Is There Anything in the Car I Need to Know About?

My favorite question. The answer, 99.99% of the time is, "No, there's nothing in there". My next question is usually "Do you mind if I look?" For some freakish reason, the answer is almost always "No, go ahead".

This is a consensual search. Why more people don't say "Yes, I do mind" is beyond me. Why, if you have guns, dope or other nasty shit in your car, are you going to willingly let me search the car. Do you think I'm not gonna find it? Do you think I'm gonna say "Okay, well, I'm not gonna search it because you apparently have nothing to hide"? Newsflash there Sparky... if you give me consent to search your car, I'm going to search it, and I'm going to find your goodies. And I have never once had someone who consented to a search, tell me to stop. You know, like "I don't want you to search anymore". Perhaps people don't know they can say no or stop, and we can't continue to search without a reason.

When someone does not want to give me consent to search their car, the first thing I think is they have something to hide. But guess what. Absent some other legal reason, I can't search the car without their consent. Of course, now I'm going to be looking hard for a reason to search. If that car is the least bit towable, or the driver or passenger are the least bit arrestable, someone or something is going to jail. If the driver doesn't have identification, or can't provide registration paperwork, I'm going looking.

I have found more stuff on consent searches, than I have on searches incident to an arrest or inventory searches. It just blows my mind that a person who knows they have something they shouldn't have will let me search their ride. It happens almost every time.

Officer Smith, at Your Service...

I hand out my business cards like water. I get them by the hundred, so why the hell not? One unintended consequence of this is that a few people I have assisted, in some way or other, have taken a bit of a liking to me. They tend to think of me as their own personal police officer.

For example, I took a telephone detail one evening awhile back regarding a woman who wanted to complain about a pile of trash in front of her house. We had a rather pleasant telephone conversation and I told her there was no need for a report, but I would send a city crew out within the following few days to remove the trash. The next day when I got to work, a message was waiting on my voicemail. She just "wanted to let me know" that the trash was still there. The next day the trash was removed. End of story, right? Nope.

A month or two later, I received a voicemail message. The woman caller identified herself by her first name. I thought the voice sounded vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place it. When she gave the address I remembered, it was the same lady who called about the trash. She was calling my voicemail, on my weekend mind you, to tell me there was suspicious activity going on in the driveway of a house a few doors down from hers.

The telephone number for the police department is prominently displayed on the face of my business card. Why didn't she just call the dispatch line? Why call me? Because she had come to think of me as her police officer.

I have sort of a following I suppose. I have people who will call specifically for me, whether or not I happen to be working their beat that evening. I have written some pretty lengthy reports as a result of some of these calls, thereby saving the officer who WAS working that beat a good deal of paper. I don't know whether to be annoyed or flattered. I suppose a bit of both is okay.

You Never Know What You're Gonna Run Into...

I found this sign so amusing, I had to take a picture. This is a real sign located just outside the entrance to Mount Rainier National Park:




Watch out for ELK! I love it!

Oh, So You're a Comedian...

I stopped a guy for riding solo in the carpool lane, and he told me a joke. It went like this:

Him: How do you put an elephant in a Safeway bag?

Me: I have no idea.

Him: This takes some thinking. Drop the F from Safe, and drop the F from way.

Me: There's no F in way (Say it out loud and you'll get it. I got it as soon as I said it.)

I didn't write him a ticket.

Knowledge is Power...

One of my academy instructors was very fond of that phrase. I have found his words to be true.

The more we know, the better off we are. I don't necessarily know all of the code sections for the laws I enforce every day, but I know what is legal and what isn't. As long as I know I can arrest you for something you've done, we can figure out the section for it later. All I need to know is the elements of the crime.

I don't know what the vehicle code section is for that board you have hanging five feet past your taillights with no red flag, but I know I can stop you for it. Once I am writing the ticket, I can look it up. I haven't memorized the municipal code section for parking in a loading zone, but I know I can write you a parking ticket for it, even if I have to look up the numbers.

We have to know the law. The more we know about the law, the more efficiently we can do our jobs. I sometimes read the penal code book just to find something new I didn't know. I often say "Wow, I didn't know that" and catalog the information away. Again, I may not remember the exact code section, but I now know another thing I can arrest you for.

Thanks Mr. Needham, knowledge really is power.

Just the Facts Ma'am...

Some officers absolutely despise evidence work. I truly enjoy evidence work. There's just something very satisfying about taking a clean surface and flinging graphite powder all over it, and finding fingerprints in the resulting mess. I feel like David Copperfield making something appear out of nothing. It's freakin' magic!

I have developed my own style and technique for developing fingerprints, and I am very possessive about my crime scenes. I have a really hard time letting go of pieces of the scene for other officers to process. Maybe I have OCD or something. I want to process everything, or else I'll feel like something was missed. I'm slowly overcoming this habit, but it's been a real struggle.

Evidence work can make or break a case. The evidence is ultimately able to speak for itself. There is no he said / she said. There is no bias. There is no lying, or "hiding the truth". Evidence speaks only the truth.

Strike Three... You're Out...

Three strikes. A good plan, but useless in practice.

The problem with Three Strikes, is that it has no provision for equal enforcement. I have seen guys pull down 25 years for a petty theft. Then the next turd through the courtroom gets no jail time at all for possessing crack. Both had two previous strikes. The difference? The judge.

For those who are not "in the know", Three Strikes is a "thing" in California which allows a person to be sent to prison for 25 years to life upon conviction for their third felony. There is no real requirement that they be violent felonies, nor is there any requirement that Three Strikes even be enforced at all. It simply ALLOWS a judge to sentence a career criminal to life in prison.

The problem? One judge may have a soft spot for drug addicts. A two striker, perhaps with a prior for a grand theft, and a second for assault with a deadly weapon, comes into his courtroom on a drug charge. Rather than sending this knucklehead to prison for the dope offense, the judge sentences probation and required drug treatment programs, perhaps with a suspended sentence of some truly useful length. Same idiot goes into the very next courtroom and gets a different judge. This judge really despises drug addicts because his daughter died of a drug overdose, and now the judge feels the need to punish all drug addicts for her death. Second judge gives doper 25 years for felony possession. Harsh? Maybe. Unwarranted? Who knows?

The quandary I find myself in from day to day is this. We have a huge prison overcrowding problem in this state. I have no problem with the first judge giving the doper felony probation and required treatment, if the program is continually monitored and the knucklehead is regularly tested. If the guy can actually get clean from this, more power to him. There is truly no guarantee in our prison system, that this guy would ever clean up in a prison cell. Drugs are as readily available IN PRISON as they are on the streets. Possibly even more so.

What pisses me off, is when I arrest someone for a VIOLENT felony, and the shitbag has two previous convictions for VIOLENT felonies, and I see this "person" back out amongst human beings after one year in prison, when the doper is doing 25 years.

I do not expect every person with three felony convictions to spend a long stretch in prison. We simply do not have the capacity for that. What I expect is for the system to work as it was originally intended. Put violent or career felons away for a long time.

There is no rhyme nor reason to this system. It was intended to get violent felons off the streets for the rest of their lives. It was written to give judges the final decision as to who went away and who didn't. Unfortunately we have so many goddamned bleeding heart liberal Berkeley lawyer judges in this state, Three Strikes has become a joke. The petty thief does 25 years, while the carjacker walks free. Figure that one out.

Happy Thanksgiving...

Hey y'all, Happy Thanksgiving. A little turkey intoxication today, so no real post. I hope everyone has a good day with the ones who matter. More tomorrow. See ya'.

Do You Live Where You Work?

I do not live in the city where I work, nor would I want to. It's quite bad enough that my neighbors know I'm a cop. At least they know I don't work here, so they don't call me instead of the local coppers.

Knowing what I know about the city where I work, I wouldn't want to live there. The crime rate, the knuckleheads who pass through, the schools.... No, thank you.

I also wouldn't want to work where I live. Not that I have anything against the PD here. I just wouldn't want to have to arrest my neighbors. Also, I wouldn't want to run into the people on my off time, that I arrested while I was working.

I suppose living where you work does have some advantages. A really short commute for one thing. But it's just not for me.

Hit Me With a Club...

Okay, this one's for you non law enforcement people.

What would you say if I told you you could make a car thief walk right past your car without a second look? Now, what if I told you it could be done for less than $40? All you have to do is use a Club. That's right. The ugly orange bar that locks to your steering wheel.

I like to explain it this way. If you were a car thief, and you saw two identical cars, one with a Club and one without, which one would you want to steal? If the thief really wants your car specifically, say for the wheels or the stereo, the car will be gone. Club or no Club, a sophisticated thief will get your car. Fortunately, most car thieves are far from sophisticated. If they can't take your car with the shaved key or screwdriver in their pocket, they'll go on to the next easy target.

If you drive a high theft vehicle, such as a Toyota, Honda or Saturn, do yourself and your local coppers a favor. Get yourself a Club. Even if you drive a vehicle with a lower incidence of theft, a Club certainly can't hurt.

How Many Cops Does it Take to Screw in a Lightbulb?

Surely fewer than it apparently takes to impound a car. I passed by the parking lot of our local train station today, and noticed five... count 'em, five train cops standing around an abandoned vehicle while the tow truck driver was trying to unlock the car. I reckon it must've been a slow day for them. Couldn't find any fare jumpers, huh guys?

This is Your Brain on Drugs...

Ahhh yes, methamphetamine.

A substance you can put in your body that will make you have the sudden urge to get down on your hands and knees in the driveway of the trailer park at three o'clock in the morning and scrub all of the dirt out of the cracks then go roller blading in the parking lot of the Safeway until sunrise when the manager shows up and yells at you to get the hell outta' his parking lot then you go wandering around the shitty part of town trying to score more meth but you can't find any so you get pissed off and cross the street in the middle of the block because you just don't give a rat's ass then the cops stop you for jaywalking and find out you're under the influence so they handcuff you but you can't hold still because you're still tweeking so you squirm around in the handcuffs and the cops laugh at you because it's the funniest damned thing they've ever seen then you go to jail.

Yeah. Gimme' some of that.

More Bumper Stickers...

But wait, there's more! There are so many, I had to break it into two posts. Here are some more:

I'd Rather Hunt With Dick Cheney, Than Drive With Ted Kennedy

Rangers Do It In The Park

There Is A Place On Earth For All God's Creatures... Right Beside The Mashed Potatoes

If Vegetarians Eat Vegetables, What Do Humanitarians Eat?

If You're Gonna Ride My Ass, At Least Pull My Hair

How Would Jesus Drive?

Who Would Jesus Bomb?

My Other Car Is A Camry Too

Acupuncturists Do It With A Small Prick

Gun Control Is Using Both Hands

Don't Blame Me, I Voted For Ralph Nader!

Keep Working... Millions On Welfare Depend On You

Outta My Way... My Kid Has To Pee!!

Funny Bumper Stickers...

There are some friggin' hilarious bumper stickers out there. Here are a few I've seen:

Keep Honking, I'm Reloading

Back Off Or I'll Flick A Booger On Your Windshield

If It Doesn't Fit, Force It. If It Breaks, It Probably Needed To Be Replaced Anyway.

I May Be Slow, But I'm Ahead Of You

Where Are We Going? And Why Are We In This Handbasket?

Maine - Bumpah Stickah

Welcome To California, Now Go Home

My Gun Has Killed Fewer People Than Ted Kennedy's Car

It's The Carpool Lane, Not The Freakin' Autobahn!

If You Can Read This, You're Speeding Too

I Brake For.... SHIT No Brakes!!

Jesus Is Coming... Quick, Everyone Look Busy

I Still Miss My Ex... But My Aim Is Improving

If At First You Don't Succeed, Don't Skydive

If You Don't Like The Way I Drive, STAY OFF THE SIDEWALK!

You! Out Of The Gene Pool!

Welcome to California, the Land of Litigation...

I was reminded the other day of a serious flaw in the laws of our fine country. It went a little something like this:

A bad guy climbed up onto the roof of a house with the intent of breaking in. So, Sparky finds a skylight on the roof and thinks this will be a good way to enter the house. Bright Star tries to kick the skylight in but is not successful. If you can't kick the skylight in, you do what anyone would do right? You jump up and down on said skylight. I'm sure you can see where this is going.

So, Einstein is jumping on the skylight, and the skylight shatters, sending our genius down through empty space and into the dining room of the house. Our Wonder Brain lands on the dining room table fifteen feet below and is basically cut to shreds by the knives and glasses set out on the table. Needless to say, our knucklehead goes to jail for burglary. Then it gets utterly stupid.

While our friend is in prison, he decides to civilly sue the owners of the house for negligence. His reasoning? If the homeowners had not left their table set, with knives and glasses, he would have never been injured. WTF? How about if he hadn't broken into the house in the first place? The phrase "Look before you leap" comes to mind.

The problem is this. If our litigious knucklehead was injured while he was committing a crime, he should not be allowed to sue his victim for his injuries. Make sense? Similarly, if someone is injured as the result of a crash, caused by the pursuit they started by running from the police, they should not be able to sue the police department. Similarly, if they are killed in the same situation, the family should not be able to sue for wrongful death. The idiot caused his own demise by running from the police. I didn't make him run.

This issue manifests itself in other ways as well. For instance, the woman who sued McDonald's because she was burned when she spilled hot coffee on her lap. It says HOT COFFEE on the cup Bright Star! Soooooo, you want them to serve you COLD coffee? Maybe lukewarm? Perhaps you should consider drinking your coffee before you drive instead of while you're driving. As a result of this lawsuit, McDonald's no longer sells hot tea. Go figure. And then there is the warning printed on the coffee cups. Warning, contents may be hot. No shit! How many attorneys did it take to figure that one out?

But, I Wasn't Going That Fast...

About half of the people I have stopped for speed violations this week have firmly informed me that they simply could not have been going as fast as I said they were. They all insisted they had looked at their speedometers and they were mysteriously going up to 10 miles per hour slower than I claimed.

I'm not sure why people think that arguing with the radar is going to change anything. And then they never want to look at the radar. They just insist that it's wrong.

We have a curvy, hilly, backwoods road with a speed limit of 25 miles per hour. The speed limit is in place for good reason. This road is chock full of blind curves, blind crests and blind intersections. I locked an elderly gentleman (and I use the term gentleman VERY loosely there) at 46 in this 25 zone. When I stopped and contacted him, he told me he had looked at his speedometer and he was doing 25.

As I told this "gentleman", I would not have even pointed my radar at him if I thought he was going slower than 35 miles per hour. I offered to show him his speed locked on my radar. He declined, but continued to insist he was only doing 25 miles per hour. I haven't lost any of these in court, and I really don't expect to lose that one either.

I just can't figure why people want to argue. If anything, they are talking their way INTO a ticket, rather than out of one. Geez, I'm getting almost as tired of writing about these people, as I am of dealing with them. I think I better find something different to write about tomorrow night. Otherwise, my faithful readers might get just as tired of READING about it.

Until next time...

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....

It seems I have been encountering a lot of these lately. I stop a car and contact the driver, who is just as pleasant as can be. We chat a bit about what they've done and why it was unsafe. And just when I think it's going to be a smooth and effortless contact, I return with the ticket and my driver goes from Jekyll to Hyde.

I had one today. This woman turned across a divided highway and I stopped her. I explained why the turn was unsafe and she explained why she had done it. She told me how stupid she was for making the turn, and explained that she didn't know the turn was illegal but she understood. We spoke pleasantly for a minute or so, then I went back to my car to write the citation.

I returned to her window, and she was spun because I was citing her. She threw her wallet across the car and started yelling at me. Whoa, wait a second. Where did the lady go that I was talking with just a minute ago. She looked like the same person. The picture on her driver's license still matched her face. But, her attitude now stunk. Did she think I was going to waste my time chatting her up and then not cite her? Humph!

Last week, I stopped a gentleman (so I thought) for speeding. I locked him at 49 miles per hour on the radar, in a school zone. We talked for a minute and he was very pleasant. When I returned to his window with my cite book, he wigged out. "What!? You're going to cite me!?" Well, ummm, yeah, I am. "Just give me the f@*#ing ticket so I can get outta here!!" Uhhhhhhh, Sir yes SIR! 24 miles over the limit, in a school zone no less, and he wants to get all wiggy with ME?! Press hard, there are three copies.

It's fun to work these folks. They rarely ever sign their signature the way it is on their license. They just scribble something on the line. I make them sign it again. That really spins them out. Then while I'm tearing out their copy, I explain the whooooooole court process, from beginning to end. They get really tired of hearing my voice, but I tell them what I need to tell them. Then, and only then, do I hand them the ticket. Then I step back to avoid having my toes run over. I walk back to my car laughing, while they drive away steaming. I don't do this to 99% of the people I contact. But the 1% sure are fun.

Quotable Quotes...

Some of my academy instructors used to write quotes up on the board at the beginning of classes. I had enough presence of mind to write them down, and here are some of the more pertinent.

"When you don't have a plan, you're planning to fail"

"Always do right. This will gratify some and astonish the rest." - Mark Twain

"The world is a dangerous place, not because of evil, but because of those who stand by and do nothing" - Einstein

"It is a simple task to make things complex, but a complex task to make things simple"

"If you fall, look not where you fell but what caused you to trip"

Nurses and Medics and Docs, Oh My!

I stopped a nurse yesterday. I don't like to cite nurses, or paramedics, or doctors, or firefighters, or other cops. I had to cite her though. She did something so dangerous that she had to be cited. She totally understood, and she was very pleasant about the whole thing. She even told me I would be irresponsible not to cite her.

After she signed the cite and I gave her her copy, we began talking about our respective professions. We both decided we have tons of respect for the other profession, and we don't think we could do the other's job.

It takes a very special kind of person to be a nurse, firefighter, paramedic or cop. I don't think I am a special person, but then again, who does think such things about themselves. I have immense respect for all people in these professions. These people have to deal with things every day, that most people will never see in a lifetime.

Nurses see people in the most difficult times of their lives. They have to care, but not become emotionally attached. They have to put all of their prejudices, dislikes, and preconceptions aside and save some stranger from the clutches of death, no matter who that person may be.

Firefighters run into burning buildings to save people, then they go back in to put the fire out. They risk their own lives, for the lives and property of people they know nothing about. That house might be full of murderers, drug dealers or thieves, but it doesn't matter. We coppers may give the hose draggers a ton of shit, but in reality, I admire them for what they do.

Paramedics drive into the heart of the ghetto, the crappiest parts of town, to save the gang banger who just got shot by some other gang banger. These guys and gals go into places of town, unarmed, that I don't even like to go into armed. Not to mention, they are some bitchin' drivers. There's something about the sight of those big ass ambulances taking a turn on two wheels.

Then there are the cops. Most people run away from gunfire... we run toward it. Normal people shy away from a fight... we relish it. The average person doesn't carry a single gun... I have three to five guns of various types and calibers at my disposal at any given time. Cops aren't special, or brave, or any such thing. We're just freakin' loopy. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

Bus Stop...

I have a special place in my heart for our local bus drivers. It's called the pits of hell! Bus drivers piss me off. They drive down the main drag at 50 miles per hour (the speed limit is 35). They pull right out into traffic without any regard for other vehicles. They take their big ass buses down our little bitty streets and scowl at you when you won't move your car so they can complete the turn they should have never started in the first goddamn place. They don't yield to pedestrians, they block traffic, and they constantly drive with their hazard flashers on.

When they crash, they refuse to give any information until their supervisor arrives. I have seen bus drivers flat out refuse to provide their driver's license at the scene of a collision. State law says you must provide your driver's license to a peace officer upon request. When you give them the option of giving up their license or going to jail, they generally get the picture.

One of these days, I'm going to get my radar out fast enough, and I'm going to cite myself a bus driver. It hasn't happened yet, but I assure you, it will. Hell, I may even impound a bus. That would make my freakin' YEAR!

Ya Gotta Love the Media...

You're just going to have to forgive me if I seem a bit pissed off today, but I am. I am a bit perturbed at our local media outlets for their handling of a particular incident that occurred yesterday.

A college district police aide was shot yesterday while attempting to thwart a pair of car thieves in a college parking lot. This police aide went well beyond what a police aide is expected to do in this situation, and I sincerely hope he recovers fully, keeps his obvious driven attitude, and goes on to become a police officer someday. This kid is a benefit to our profession.

What pissed me off was the way it was handled on the news. A police aide is a student who is interested in law enforcement. It is a job that is available to students to allow them to make a bit of money while they are in school, and to further themselves in their pursuit of a law enforcement career. A police aide generally writes parking tickets and assists students on campus with minor law enforcement matters. A police aide is not a police officer, but so what?!?!

This incident warranted a search effort by more than fifty officers from six agencies to locate the suspects. Officers were on the scene for HOURS looking for these scumbags. SWAT, K9's, foot searches, two helicopters.

The news accurately reported that the person who was shot was an employee of the campus police department. They said "Student Police Cadet". Do you know how much air time this was deemed "worthy" of? Fifteen seconds. FIFTEEN GODDAMNED SECONDS!!

If it had been a normal student, the media would have been in a frenzy. It would be like the next freakin' Columbine or Virginia Tech. You would never hear the end of how the poor student was shot on campus. But no, this person was employed by a police department. Even though the police aide is not expected to step into such situations, and this police aide went the extra mile... hell, the extra HUNDRED miles to try and stop these assholes from stealing a car. He did more than he had to, and got shot for it. And all he got was fifteen seconds. Come on Channel 5, you can do better than that!

The media will not hesitate for one second to come down on us like a hammer when we are even ACCUSED of any wrongdoing. But when one of ours is the victim of a crime, they appear not to care. Believe me, I am going to contact them and let them know how I really feel too, because I doubt any of them read this blog.

This is just SO much bullshit.

Hey! I'm Driving Here!

Hey, you! Yeah, you in the car. Yes, you that just changed lanes two feet off my front bumper with no warning whatsoever. Do you see that cute little stick coming out of the left side of your steering column? It isn't just a convenient holder for your headlight switch or wiper controls. It's not a place to hang your hair bands or your watch. It's called a turn signal. Use it moron!

Business or Pleasure? Part II...

It finally happened. My defendant in traffic court tonight showed up in a business suit. He was still found guilty, but I have to give him props for putting forth the effort. I was impressed.

T'was a Rainy New Year's Eve....

It was New Years eve several years ago, and wouldn't ya know, it was raining. I went to cover another officer on a traffic stop in a church parking lot, and a third officer showed up shortly thereafter.

The contact officer was talking to the driver of the car through the open driver window and I was at the passenger side with the other cover officer. All seemed to be going well..... then it turned into a friggin' episode of COPS.

All of a sudden, the driver starts to quickly roll up his driver window. Now, in retrospect, this was quite funny. Dude was literally CRANKING his manual window up as fast as his little arm could turn, and locking the door with his other hand at the same time. The contact officer was yelling at him to open the window.

After the window was up, he started the car. I'm on the driver side now, just ahead of the left front tire. The driver reached down to put the car in gear. As soon as his hand hit the shift lever, the officer on the passenger side smashed the right side window with his flashlight. It so frightened the driver, that he pulled the handle right off the shift lever. He literally had the shifter scared out of him. Once he realized he wasn't going anywhere, he unlocked the doors and promptly got up close and personal with the parking lot. I could not believe this asshole actually whined that the pavement was wet after he was about to run us down.

I didn't realize that I had even touched my holster when I was faced with this guy trying to drive over me, but I later discovered that my holster was unsnapped. The holster I had at the time could not have come unsnapped on its own. I had to rock a thumb lock back and push the snap open. This guy almost got shot, and I didn't even realize I had my hand on my gun. Adrenaline does strange things. They say when you are in danger, you follow your training.

We searched the car once the driver was in custody, and discovered his reason for putting my life and his own in danger. He had a cigar box on the rear floor of the vehicle with a marijuana pipe, and a little bit of marijuana. So instead of a citation for whatever traffic violation he was stopped for, and another citation for the weed, he went to jail for the night. Stupid.

We is Finta Exscape from dis Nucular Lieberry...

It drives me absolutely nuts when people mispronounce simple words, or use "non-words". Here are a few of my "favorites":

Nucular (new-cue-lar)

Axe (As in, I'm gonna axe my momma for a dollar)

Lieberry (Like, I'm going to the lieberry to check out some books)

Irregardless

Unloosen (What, are you tightening it?)

Exscape

Excetera

Expresso

Cadillac converter, or cathalatic converter

Febuary (You know, the month after January)

Dethaw (Refreeze?)

Hella (As in, that's hella cool. Hella is a fog light manufacturer dammit!)

Finta. This one has evolved over the years. When I was a kid we were fixin' to do something. Then it slowly became "fittin ta" do something. Now, we are "finta" do something. It's even working its way toward "finna".

I have no problem with slang. I have talked about bustin' a cap, or knocking the "bling" right offa your grill. But, there's a difference between slang, and a simple lack of intelligence.

On that note, I'm all up out this beatch. Ha! I'm killin' my spell checker with this post!

Yeah, I Know I Don't Have a License, But......

Every unlicensed driver has an excuse for why they were driving. Boy, have I heard some real doozies.

I have to drive to get to work. Ever heard of public transit? BART, buses, Amtrak, taxis? How about carpooling? Nope, not buying that one. Press hard, three copies. Next!

My friend is sick, and it's her car. Hmm, well ya know, I can tow the car for driving without a license. Wow! The sick friend is mysteriously cured and able to drive. Press hard, three copies. Next!

I'm on my way to the DMV to get my license right now! It's Sunday bright star! Press hard, three copies. Next!

I have a learning permit. Do you have it with you? No. Does your passenger have a license? No. Hmm, then I guess your permit is a moot point, huh? Press hard, three copies. Next!

I'm the designated driver. OH GOODY! Now I get to tow your car, AND arrest your passengers for drunk in public. Press hard, three copies. Next!

I'm just too lazy to go to the DMV and get a license. Nice. Let's work out your wrist muscles Lazy Boy. Press hard, three copies. Next!

I don't believe in driver's licenses. Huh? I refuse to get a license to exercise my right to drive. (Yes, I have actually heard this one.) Guess what Sparky, driving is not a right, it's a PRIVILEGE! Press hard, three copies. Next!

I can't get a license because I'm here illegally. Chances are, your car isn't registered and you don't have insurance either. So when you blow a red light and t-bone the mini van full of kids, who's going to pay for it? The rest of us when our insurance rates go up, that's who. Press hard, three..... no, better yet, put your hands behind your back. Next!

I am taking (blank) to the hospital because (blank). I'm not sure why you didn't just call an ambulance, but slow down and get outta here. Hey, even I'm not that much of a hardass. Next!

I have an Oregon driver's license. Do you live in Oregon? No, I live here. How long? Two years. Going back to Oregon, or here permanently? Not going back. Guess what. You take up residence in California, you need a California license. Oh, and the Oregon plates have to go too. Press hard, three copies. Next!

My license is expired. This is one of the very few I will overlook from time to time, but only if it's just a few weeks expired. If it goes beyond that, see Lazy Boy above. Press hard, three copies. Next!

There have been many more I can't recall today. These are just the few that spring readily to mind. Once again, do I have a low tolerance for unlicensed drivers? Yes, Frank..... yes I do. YEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (CSI Miami fans will get that one...)

Do You Like Your Purse?

I have difficulty understanding why women insist upon placing their purse, bag or wallet in the child seat area of the shopping cart while they are grocery shopping. I have even more difficulty understanding why they are so surprised when said purse, bag or wallet suddenly and mysteriously disappears.

While grocery shopping today, I watched a woman who had placed her wallet in the shopping cart. She repeatedly walked ten feet away from her shopping cart to get something off a shelf while her back was turned to the cart. She stood in the produce area for a good five minutes with her back to the cart. If I was a dishonest person, I could have had her wallet and she would have never noticed. I was actually hoping for someone to pick up her wallet while I was watching. I never had an opportunity to inform her of the error of her ways.

I have taken more theft reports in exactly this situation than I care to count. Most of these women will just lay it out there in the open for all to see, or steal. Sometimes, she shows a bit of forethought and covers the purse or wallet with something to make it more difficult to steal. This begs the question, if you want to make it difficult to steal your wallet, why put it in the cart in the first goddamn place? You obviously know there is a possibility that someone will try to take it, so why provide the opportunity?

It is quite troubling to see this so regularly. Granted, today I was in a rather upscale town where crime is LESS of a problem than in my city. Unfortunately, less of a problem is still a problem. People are so naive these days. They can't believe crime will ever happen to them. It always happens to someone else. Well, I'll tell you what. If you want to encourage crime to happen to you, just leave your belongings out in the shopping cart while you shop. Just please don't do it in my city, okay?

I even had a gal tell me she thought she knew who took her purse out of her cart. How did she know? Because the person looked around a lot and bumped into her cart when she wasn't looking. Why didn't she say something? She didn't notice her purse was gone until she was in line to pay. Eegads! There really are criminals everywhere!

Then there was the young lady who couldn't imagine who had taken her wallet. Why? Because nobody in the store "looked like the criminal type". Tell me something. What exactly does the "criminal type" look like, huh?

So many sheep. It boggles the mind. It really does.

Lights... Camera... Action...

Many businesses these days have cameras installed to record the activities of customers, employees and criminals. These cameras are great tools for law enforcement, when they are installed and used properly.

I have a few problem businesses in my town that have dysfunctional, or just non-functional, camera systems. It is absolutely maddening to ask for video of a theft or other incident and be told, "Oh, our cameras don't work". Then there are the businesses with cameras, but no tapes for the VCR, or no discs for the DVD burner.

I also try to encourage business owners / managers to properly aim their cameras. You can install a super duper, High Definition, maxi-color, wide screen camera with a half gainer and a triple backflip, but if it's pointing at the floor, it's worthless. Cameras need to cover entrances and exits, and be at an angle that will see faces, not the tops of heads. I don't really care if the guy who robbed your store was wearing an Oakland Raiders hat if I can't tell what race he is.

Unfortunately, it seems that the businesses with the really great camera systems, are the ones that really don't need it. The businesses that get robbed, forged, frauded, and burgled mostly have genuinely shitty camera systems. I don't know why. Somebody should pass a law that if you're gonna have a camera system, it should be done properly.

When I catch somebody based upon a great screen capture from a great camera system, it's always fun to say "Smile, you're on Candid Camera!"

Significant Other...

So, I've written a lot about me. Now it's time to write about someone else.

I am very fortunate to have a spouse who at least tries to understand what I do. She keeps the kids from running me down until I have had a chance to come in the door and get my shoes off. She shoves me out the door when I am waffling about whether to take the short notice overtime. She listens when I need to vent, and doesn't pry when I feel the need to hold it in for a while.

My wife knew what she was getting into when she met me, and she came along for the ride anyway. Sometimes she still can't believe she's married to a cop. Her friends can't either.

I have heard some of my co-workers tell how their spouse doesn't want to hear anything about the job. My wife is genuinely interested in what I do. It's nice to be able to talk about things with her. I just have to try sometimes not to scare her.

They say law enforcement has the highest divorce rate of any profession. I guess I'm ahead of the game, because I was already divorced before I became a cop. I can't see it happening again.

"I see dead people"...

Happy Halloween. Just like in the movies, I see dead people. Only mine are really dead. Dead body calls are my least favorite. But just because I don't like them, doesn't mean I can avoid them.

I can't speak for anyone else, but when I'm in a house with someone who has passed, maybe waiting for the coroner or the funeral home, I try to treat the house as if the person is still living. I may search for their medications or their phone book, but I don't pry. I don't go through their personal items any more than I absolutely have to in order to identify them, or contact family members, or figure out why they died.

I don't step on their cat. I don't eat their food. I don't even eat or drink in their house. I don't use their telephone. I don't read their newspapers. If I move something, I put it back. I act as if I am a guest in their home, because I am. I don't care if they are white, black, Asian.... hell, they could be Martian for all I care. I am in their house. For all I know, this person could be watching me from wherever it is souls go after the body dies. I would hate to offend the person I am there to care for.

I'm sure some officers think, "They're dead, what the hell would they care". Not me. I just hope someday, when I'm old and withered and I pass away in my sleep, some police officer like me will come to my home. What goes around, comes around, ya' know?

"Bullets flyin' round me from a three-fifty-somethin"

Okay, for those who find graphic depictions of grisly events offensive, scroll to the next post.

Someone asked me the other day what was the most gruesome thing I've had to deal with. Well, this was it. Mind you, I was still in training when I took this one.

I was dispatched to a shooting call on the main drag through town. The caller said someone had been shot in a vehicle. I arrived and found a man sitting on the curb next to a vehicle. He was crying hysterically. I was behind the vehicle and could not see inside yet. The man was inconsolable and would not talk to me. I checked him over and determined he was not injured. As I checked him, I noticed he had little bits of what looked like pink Jell-O on his shirt sleeve. He eventually managed to tell me his cousin had shot himself. Then I looked into the van.

Inside the van, I found exactly what I expected. The passenger was slumped over in his seat, hanging from his seatbelt. He was obviously beyond any help I could give him. Bits of brain matter were clumped on the inside of the windshield and the headliner. Pieces of skull were wedged between the dash and the bottom of the windshield. Blood everywhere. The top of this guy's skull was flipped open like the top of a tin can, and was hanging by a thread of skin.

My first thought was "so that's what the inside of a skull looks like". Most people would find the sight repulsive or even nauseating. I found it absolutely intriguing. It was like an anatomy lesson. I found the gun on the floor between his feet. One expended casing, five empty chambers. It is truly amazing what a contact shot from a .357 Magnum can do to a human head.

I'm sure some non police officers will find me to be uncaring or otherwise mentally incompetent, but these are the things we police officers have to see. I did not treat this man as anything other than another human being. I showed him the same respect I would show any other person, living or dead. We can't turn and run, we have to dig in and investigate. We have to have some defense against this stuff or it will eat us up from the inside out. That's why we look at things slightly differently than the average Joe Schmoe.

I owe it to that person to do my job and figure out how he died. I need to prove that he did it to himself, and that someone else didn't kill him and make it look like a suicide. I owe it to him, and to his family. When there is no doubt in my mind that he did it to himself, then I can rest, and so can he.

This incident does not bother me. It does not haunt me. I don't have nightmares about it or anything of that sort. I can tell you one thing though, I will never forget it.

Good Morning Your Honor...

I really like going to traffic court. It is a challenge, but it's also fun.

I like to listen to other officers and defendants as they go through their cases. I enjoy hearing how well, or how poorly, other officers put on their testimony. It's even more fun to hear what some of the defendants think is relevant evidence. "But your honor, he stopped me in the next city over. He was out of his jurisdiction." "But your honor, my car is not purple..... it's plum." "But your honor, I have a witness. No, she wasn't with me at the time, but she drives that way every day and she knows that intersection."

I always enjoy the challenge of testifying in a traffic case. I have to make sure I hit all of the elements of that particular violation, or I am going to lose. Even if it is a particularly complicated section, I have to make sure I completely cover it. Then, I have to respond to the defendant's questions, however irrelevant, without laughing. Finally, I have to listen to the defendant testify as to what they think happened, again without laughing.

I have had people suggest to the judge that I was hiding, that I specifically targeted them because of their race, that I get paid extra for writing more tickets, or that I was flat out lying. Some people will literally try ANYTHING to get out of a traffic ticket.

The best part of traffic court, is that I get paid overtime when I go on my days off. Easy money. Okay, so maybe I do get paid a little extra for writing tickets.

Oddly enough, I try my best to keep people from going to traffic court when I write them tickets. I have become quite adept at selling the tickets I write. I very carefully explain why I was working in that particular spot, or why the violation was so heinous and truly deserves a ticket. Most of the time, people will actually thank me for writing them the ticket. It's really unbelievable.

Every now and then though, there is the person who wants to question my ancestry, speak of my irrelevance, or otherwise express their displeasure at my "efficiency". Those are generally the people I expect to see in traffic court, and I am rarely disappointed. These same people try to tell the judge that I was rude to THEM. They attempt to convince the judge that they would never have committed the violation if I hadn't been there. It's actually quite entertaining.

Just think, I get to have a blast.... and get paid for it!! It's better than the movies.

We Interrupt This Sandwich...

It really torques me off when people interrupt my lunch to ask me stupid questions. I can be obviously enjoying my lunch and someone will think it appropriate to ask me to sign off a ticket, or go deal with the panhandler on the corner, or take their lost property report. It especially annoys me when I am at the sandwich shop less than a block away from the police station.

I have even had a few people say to me that I'm always on the clock and I need to deal with their problem now, my lunch be damned. If you've just been robbed, come see me. If your car was just stolen and you see it driving away, by all means come see me. But if you need a ticket signed off or some such irrelevant issue, have a bit of courtesy and let me finish my friggin' lunch first eh?

No Parking...

I saw a car today that was parked in a crosswalk. When I stopped, I noticed the rear of the car extended into a red zone..... and the front of the car poked out into a driveway. Oh, and the wheels were well over 18 inches from the curb. I can only think of two places in the city where you can do that with a friggin' Saturn. This person miraculously picked the exact right spot. A foot forward and the red zone would have been clear. A foot backward and the driveway would have been clear. It's always fun to see how many lines I can fill up on one ticket.

Which brings me to another point. If you are going to park your car illegally, don't turn on your hazard flashers. People think the hazards make it okay to park illegally. All the flashing lights do is attract my attention. They absolutely SCREAM "Hey, come write me a ticket".

My favorite parking ticket to write is disabled parking without a placard. I have twice written parking tickets to two cars in disabled parking stalls, and finished with a third ticket for the car that was parked in the wheelchair access area between the stalls. Three in a row... line em up, knock em down. I love it!

Lurn Two Spel...

While reading a forum I regularly read, I noticed I get all wound up when I read someone's writing and find misspelled words. Less so with forum or blog posts, and more with reports, especially when we have spell checker. As for instant messenger, I don't even think twice about misspelling there, those things have a language all their own. A few that regularly pop up:

1) Definitely (Not definately, definitly, or defanitely)
2) Congratulations (Not congradulations, congraduations, or congratiulations)
3) Miscellaneous (Not miscleaneous, micsellaneous, or missleanus)
4) Paraphernalia (Not paraphenala, perifenalia, or parrafinalia)
5) Etcetera (Not excetera, etcettera, or essettera)
6) Methamphetamine (Not methaphetamine, methafetamine, or methylphentermine)
7) Camaro (Not Camero, Comaro, or Camery)
8) Exactly (Not exacly, eggzactly, or exsactly)
9) Attached (Not attatched, atached, or atatcht)
10) Unconscious (Not unconcious, unconchus, or unconnsus)

I guess it just bugs me that some people do not feel the need to proofread or spell check, and are content to make themselves sound like an ass. Just my opinion.

But, I'm Not a Criminal...

I don't understand. People want the police to enforce the law. They want us to take bad guys to jail, stop speeders from driving on their street, and keep terrorists from destroying things and killing people.... just as long as we don't stop or question them.

I mean, what the hell is up with this "Enforce the laws, just don't enforce them on me" bullshit?

People want us to enforce the drunk driving laws, but then when they get arrested for DUI it's always, "Why aren't you guys out there catching the real criminals?"

People complain that cars drive too fast on their street, but then they complain when I stop THEM for speeding on their own street.

I write them parking tickets and they ask if I'm serious. I'm serious as a damned heart attack.

I heard on the radio yesterday that a Pakistani actor was detained and questioned at an airport as he entered the United States. He was polite, and had nothing but good things to say about the Customs people who interviewed him. He was not mistreated in any way. Then a woman said four hours was an unreasonable detention. Umm, excuse me? I have detained people for longer than that, and they weren't even suspected terrorists.

People say "We want more security". But don't you dare stop them in an airport to question them. "I am not a terrorist!" How do we know that if we don't ask you questions. If I had a dime for every person who told me they didn't have a gun, or dope, or a needle, and then I found the very thing they said they didn't have, I'd be rich.

Just because someone says they are not a criminal or a terrorist, doesn't mean I'm going to say "Oh, geez, sorry, you're right, I'm wrong" and cut them loose.

I think the problem is that the average citizen has no idea how the law works. I've found the average Joe thinks he can't be arrested unless I can prove he has actually committed a crime. For the non law enforcement crowd, here's a basic lesson in criminal law.

If I have a reasonable suspicion that crime is afoot, and that you are somehow involved with that crime, I can detain you for a reasonable amount of time to allow me to investigate that crime. I don't need to prove you have committed a crime to detain you. I only need a set of facts and/or circumstances that would lead a reasonable person to believe a crime has been committed, or is about to be committed.

To arrest you, I only need probable cause to believe a crime has been committed, and that you are responsible for the commission of that crime. I don't need a witness, although it helps. I don't need to have your fingerprints on the proverbial murder weapon. I do not need to prove that you committed that crime. That is for a jury to decide.

So please, once again, make sure you know what you're talking about before you tell me how to do my job. I'm sure you're a great person, and you never even speed or jaywalk, but don't tell me I need to enforce the laws on someone else when I am focusing on you, okay?

I'm Here for the Long Run.... Until I Finish Probation...

In this state, a police officer is not fully "certified" until he or she has completed a probation period. Then the officer receives their Basic Certificate. If an officer leaves the department and goes to a different department before their probation is complete, it is as if that officer has not been a police officer. They are required to go through the complete field training program again.

After an officer completes probation and receives a Basic Certificate, that officer can then "lateral" to another agency and is not required to complete the field training program again.

It really pisses me off when someone gets hired by a police department (any department, not just mine), gets put through the academy, passes FTO, passes probation, then promptly jumps ship and goes to another department.

My agency thought enough of me to pay my way through the academy, and to pay ME while I was in the academy. Then they put me through field training and a probation period, all of which cost them money. I would not even consider leaving my department until I had been there for at least four or five years. They need to get their money's worth out of me.

When an officer leaves after one year, they are burning bridges. I hope they really like where they are going, because they are less likely to get a job elsewhere later, and they will not be coming back to us.

After an agency puts that much money into training a person, it just seems like a shitty thing to do.

Smith....S-M-T-I-H.....

Every person I have ever spoken to who could not spell their own name has been lying about their name. Go figure.

It's also fun to ask for their age, then their date of birth. It makes them think, because they have to do the math to figure out how old they would be if they were actually born on the day they told me.

Business or Pleasure?

Just once, I would love to see a defendant take traffic court seriously enough to show up in a business suit. Cops wear suits, lawyers wear suits, hell, even the judge wears a suit under his black robe.

Think about it. If you're going to traffic court, you are probably trying to beat a ticket right? Wouldn't it make sense to wear a suit so the judge at least thinks you are serious?

I even saw a defendant show up for traffic court in a t-shirt and shorts one time. Go figure.

Same S#!t, Different Day...

Then there was the fool who drove around the cop and the police car, and over the downed power line lying in the street.

When he got to my end of the closure I flagged him over and asked him for his license. He told me he didn't see the other officer telling him not to go through. I refrained from questioning his lineage and just cited him. He was torqued off because I took a moment out of his day.

When I was handing him the ticket, a bus came tooling down the wrong side of the same street around the roadblock. My driver asked "I bet you're not going to cite him!" I said "You know, as a matter of fact I am! Drive carefully." Then I walked away from him and flagged the bus over.

Stupid people = Job security. Have I said that somewhere before?

Oh Yeah, That Reminds Me...

My previous post reminded me of another one on my MANY pet peeves. I hate it when I am working a traffic post, and I have a street closed off, and someone tries to drive around me. I mean, come on now, how stupid do you have to be?

Imagine a police car sitting across the traffic lane with lights blazing, a line of flares spread across the intersection, and one pissed off looking cop waving frantically for you to turn to the right and keep moving.

The reason I'm reminded of this is because of one particular incident. We had a pretty horrendous crash in our city. I was working the above described traffic post and this old fart drove around me and my patrol car, across the flares, and tried to drive down the street. Fire hose be damned.

I was yelling and hollering for him to stop, but he was oblivious. So what did I do? I used the closest item at my disposal and whacked the trunk of his car with my flashlight. Well, that got his attention and he stopped. As I was standing at his window telling him to get out of my scene, his wife was busy yelling at me from the passenger seat that I almost made her have a heart attack. My response was "That makes two of us!" She was still glaring at me as they drove away.

In retrospect, I should've cited him. Oh well, 20/20 hindsight.

Ambulance Chaser...

One of my favorite things to do is to follow an ambulance down the main drag in our town. Yes, I admit it, I am an ambulance chaser. But not for the reason most people chase ambulances. I do it so I can write tickets to the people who don't yield to the lights and sirens.

It drives me absolutely nucking futs when people stop in front of me when I'm running code 3. Citing them for stopping in front of an ambulance is just my way of giving a little bit back.

I was following an ambulance one recent afternoon, when an SUV stopped in the middle of the number one lane. The two right lanes were completely open for her to pull over, as every other car around her had already done. The driver looked like she was angry at the ambulance for inconveniencing her. After 15 seconds or so, she finally pulled into the left turn pocket and stopped at the limit line as the ambulance went past her.

When the arrow turned green I lit her up, and again she stopped right in the middle of the traffic lanes. I had to tell her over the PA to make the left turn and pull over. She finally made the turn, THEN KEPT GOING. I hit the siren and she finally found a clue (I think it might have been rolling around on the floorboard but I'm not sure). She pulled into a gas station and stopped, not leaving enough room for my patrol car to pull in behind her.

I walked up to her window and explained the reason for the stop. Her response was that she knew the law. When she saw the lights, she stopped, just like she was supposed to. I eventually ended up busting out with my vehicle code and letting her read the section before she would believe she was supposed to pull to the right first, then stop.

So, anyway, I was back at my patrol car, in the middle of the street, writing her a ticket, and she started driving away. It must have been pretty friggin' funny to see me running after her, pounding on the side of her car with my hand and telling her to stop. Then she wants to yell at me for hitting her car. She should be thankful I only used my hand, instead of a flashlight or a baton.

The Town Crier....

If I stop you and take your license, then return to your window with a ticket written out for 12 miles per hour over the speed limit, please, PLEASE... don't start crying. I hate it when I write a woman a ticket and she starts bawling uncontrollably.

If you start crying because you think I'm going to feel sorry for you and tear up the ticket, I'm sorry, but you're wrong. You have already taken up time in my day. Now you're taking up more time.

Then, when you finally figure out I'm not going to take it back, don't tell me you hate me. I really don't care. I don't get paid for you to like me.

Then, don't refuse to sign the ticket. Because when I tell you you have a choice of either signing the damned ticket or going to jail, you will probably start crying again. Of course I don't say "damned ticket", but I think it really loudly.

Finally, when all is said and done, I will have won anyway because you will have either signed the ticket or you will be wearing my handcuffs. Oh, and don't even think of complaining about me either, because I have been completely professional and polite to you throughout the stop. I don't have to make you feel like an ass.... you took care of that yourself.

This happens to me roughly once a year. Only 364 days to go 'til the next one. Oh JOY!

HUMPH!

Rain, Rain, Go Away....

I am reminded today of just how much I hate working in the rain. It piss poured for a good chunk of the day. Gotta love California weather. We don't ease into the rainy season, we jump in with both feet... right up to our freakin' necks.

I was absolutely amazed. Not a single crash on my beat. Unheard of. People simply do not know how to drive in the rain. It should be another driver's license endorsement. Motorcycle.... Haz-Mat.... Passenger Carrier..... Drive in the rain.

At least my feet stayed dry today. I can deal with wet arms or wet head, but I get cranky when my feet get wet.

Yes, I really do watch COPS...

A cop, who watches COPS? Yup. I love COPS. It's just so much fun to watch these guys and gals doing everything they teach us NOT to do in the academy. I'm not sure what it is, but when you get a camera crew in a patrol car, the cops' brains get left in the parking lot.

My favorite was the episode where there were like four cops on top of one dude on a bed. The bad guy had one hand free right in front of his face. So what does a cop do? He puts his baton on the bed, right in front of bad guy's hand. Just try explaining that one in court. "So let me get this straight officer. You shot my client because he had a weapon..... that YOU gave him?"

Then there's the end of the chase in just about every episode. The car crashes and the foot chase is on. Cop runs with gun out, tackles bad guy with gun out, and handcuffs the bad guy, still with gun out.

You see cops standing between cars with the stopped driver, cops standing in the open with cover two feet away, three cops with Tasers out and none with a real gun, and possibly the best one, a P.I.T. at 70 miles per hour.

I watch COPS to remind me what NOT to to. I often yell at the television while I'm watching. Call me crazy.

Speaking of funerals....

I'm damned if the next funeral is going to be mine. When I leave home to go to work, I don't say goodbye. I say I'll see you tonight, or I'll see you later, and I fully intend to make good on that promise.

Every day, every second, I am focused on getting myself and my partners through the shift safely. I wouldn't say I am overly cautious, or that I don't take risks. I would say that I don't take overly unnecessary risks, and I don't act stupid. I do my job effectively and aggressively, but if I don't go home at the end of the shift, what good am I.

I give the job everything I have. I also put my all into surviving. If I am ever placed into a situation where someone is trying to kill me, God help that person. When someone is trying to kill you, you have a choice. You can just sit down and die, or you can fight. I will not just sit down and die. I am going to fight until it ends, either for me or for them. Preferably the latter.

Getting shot doesn't kill you. Giving up kills you. NEVER give up!

I Only Had Two Beers....

I have a special place in my heart for drunk drivers. It's called jail. If you feel the need to drive drunk, you'd best hope you never meet me. You will not like me, I guarantee it. I will make your life hell for as long as I can. I will arrest you and take you to jail, and your car will go to car jail.

I do everything I can to make a drunk driving arrest as expensive for you as I can. You will have to go to court. You will have to pay to get your car out of impound. You will have to pay for a damned good lawyer.

It's very simple to avoid my wrath. Have a designated driver. Drink at home and don't drive. Stay at the restaurant or bar until you are sober, not until you THINK you're sober. If none of the above options are available, you have one final option. DON'T DRINK!

If you choose to drive drunk, do not whine to me that you think I am too harsh for towing your ride. Do not whine that you don't think you need to go to jail. Do not whine that you "didn't drink that much". Most importantly, do not whine that you are going to sue me or have my badge because you're not drunk. Nearly every person I have arrested for DUI has used these very statements on me.

If I ever arrest you for drunk driving, you should thank me. I may have just saved your life. More importantly, I may have just saved you from killing someone else. I'm not sure why it is, but drunks usually pick the mini van full of kids to crash into. You should be very grateful that I stopped you before you had a chance to plow into that mini van.

But noooooo. Once you have that liquid courage running through your veins, you will insist that I am the one who is in the wrong. I should be out catching "real criminals". I should be solving murders and catching robbers. You're not a bad guy. Well, you know what? I couldn't find any robbers or murderers tonight, so I had to settle for you. And, last I checked, driving under the influence of alcohol IS a crime. Therefore you would be a real criminal.

In case you haven't figured it out yet, I have a VERY low tolerance for drunk drivers. But as long as there is alcohol there will be drunk drivers. Job security? I suppose.

The Worst Part of Being a Cop.

Liz posted a comment about a wake she attended recently and it inspired me to talk a bit about police funerals for the benefit of those of you who are not in the field and/or have never been to a police funeral.

Police funerals are truly a surreal experience. You really have to be a cop, or spend a lot of time with one to truly understand the whole thing. I mean, where else will you see a police officer, the strong and unemotional pillar of society, the man or woman the public depends on in their time of need or crisis, cry uncontrollably. I'll tell you, it will ONLY happen when the officer is alone or in the presence of other cops.

I have been to two police funerals in my career, and if I never have to go to another one it will still be much too soon. They are not fun, they are not enjoyable. I can usually hold it together until the bagpiper plays Amazing Grace. Then I lose it.

The feelings that pass through my mind during a police funeral range from absolute devastating sadness, to nearly uncontrollable anger, to utmost pride in my profession. Sadness for the family of the lost one. Pride because of my brothers and sisters in the sea of blue, tan, green, grey, brown and black who have turned out in Class A uniform to show support for the family, friends and co-workers of the one who paid the price. Anger for the person or persons responsible for the taking of that officer's life. Even when it was the officer's fault that he or she died, I am angry at THEM for being so stupid as to not wear their seatbelt, or take the extra few seconds to put on their body armor. I really don't think a regular person can understand it.

Don't get me wrong. I am not of the US and THEM mentality. I just don't think you can fully understand the feelings unless you have been there. I mean, what profession, other than police officer or firefighter, would draw thousands of people to a funeral for someone they have never even heard of.

I know it will never happen, but I truly wish that someday we could all get rid of our black bands. Oh, what I would give to never, ever again have to utter the words "We've lost another one."

Dammit, where's my Kleenex?

Here we go again with the internet lawyers...

While I was in traffic court yesterday, I was listening to the testimony of another officer who had been working an intersection with a no u-turn sign. The defendant asked the officer if he thought he was in plain sight when he was monitoring the intersection. The officer replied that he believed he WAS in plain sight, as he could see the entire intersection from his observation point.

The defendant went on to claim that the officer was sitting behind some bushes, and she didn't feel that was right because the officer was hiding. She said that was "entrapment". OH MY GOD! I had a hard time keeping my mouth shut in the courtroom. I wanted to catch her outside the courtroom and show her the definition of entrapment.

The definition of entrapment is when the police entice or coerce you to do some illegal act you would not normally do. Like, hey man, you wanna buy some weed? No thanks. You sure? It's good stuff, you'll like it. I don't smoke weed. Awww come on man, I'm just trying to feed my family. Fine, I'll take a small bag. You're under arrest. THAT would be entrapment. As I said waaaay down there \/ somewhere, hiding is just good police work.

The implication there is that you would not have run the stop sign, made the illegal u-turn, or exceeded the speed limit if there had been a police car where you could see it. Well, I want to know what you would do when the cops AREN'T around. That's why I hide.

Entrapment, give me a friggin' break. If you're an internet lawyer, at least make sure you know what the hell you're talking about before you make a complete ass of yourself in court. So, let's see, that's entrapment and speed trap so far. I can't wait for the next butchered legal term. What's next?

By the way, PEOPLE get ROBBED. HOUSES get BURGLARIZED. A house cannot get robbed. Just for your information.

Speaking of TASERs.....

I'm getting a bit tired of all the negative press about Tasers. The ACLU and NAACP, nearly always critics of law enforcement in general, decry Tasers as "lethal weapons" and claim Tasers have killed people.

I was VOLUNTARILY exposed to a Taser when I was trained to use one. Over 100,000 police officers have been VOLUNTARILY exposed to Tasers during such training. How many of these officers have died from Taser exposure? None. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Not a single one. Also notice I said and emphasized the word VOLUNTARILY!

The difference? We weren't high on Cocaine, PCP, methamphetamine, or some other drug, and we weren't fighting the police. Research by several organizations has shown that Tasers do not cause death. If you want to know why people die, look up Excited Delirium.

Tasers save lives. If I gave you the option of being shot (which would likely kill or severely injure you), or being exposed to a Taser (which is 99.9% likely to gain your compliance without causing any more injury than the two small puncture holes from the probes), which would you choose.

I for one would rather take a five second cycle from a Taser than be pepper sprayed again. Neither one is very comfortable, but when the Taser is done, it's over. Pepper spray lasts for several minutes up to several hours.

But don't ask the "civil rights" organizations to listen to reason. Some people are not happy unless they have something to bitch about. I, on the other hand, am done bitching. And I feel better. Hmph!

If You Wanna Dish it Out, You'd Better be Able to Take it...

The things I carry on my belt: Gun with holster and extra magazines, two pairs of handcuffs, expandable baton, keys, OC pepper spray, radio, flashlight, Taser and holster.

I have been exposed to every weapon on my belt before I have used them on anyone else. I have been handcuffed countless times, in training of course! I have been sprayed with pepper spray, NOT FUN! I have been zapped with a Taser. I have even been shot, albeit not with a real bullet (we were shot with Simunitions in the academy, and they friggin' hurt). I got whacked with a wood baton once too, by accident.

Officers are not required to be exposed to these things most of the time, but I figure if I'm going to subject someone to these things, I need to know what it feels like. I also now know the limitations of each weapon firsthand. Now don't get me wrong, I don't plan on letting someone shoot me with real bullets just so I can carry a gun. Even I am not stupid.

My point is this. If I ever use these things on someone and I get asked in court if i know what effect they have, I can answer with an emphatic YES, because I have felt them firsthand.